IWill

IWill 2021-01-25 03:44 - 4 minute read

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My only mistake was getting married to a man who had a narcissist parent

IWill. therapy user

I wasn’t there to do any wrong.
I was there to love.
I was pleasing. I loved everyone. I deeply cared for my mother in law and the entire family too.

But then all of this went down trash.
I never knew my mom in law was a narcissist and all the praises; with all the attention and happy vibes from his son, made her literally hate me and ruin a few years of my life there on...

I randomly started getting attacked by her.

Food that I cooked which everybody would have loved, became spicy, unhealthy, the management of the kitchen resources became wasteful by me!

My laughter and my fun that everybody enjoyed became attention seeking and out of line.

My love and care for my husband became “shamelessness and lack of culture”

My husband spending time with me became a “traitor son” who was now abandoning his son!

All of this happened so fast. I couldn’t understand what was happening: why was there so much bitterness? Why was I so wrong?

And just within a few days, my husband started isolating me... I don’t think he had even his mind there... he just got scared of what his mother was feeling and a reaction of it was isolating me.

Bullying me. Making me feel little, making me alone and outsider became a family ritual. Everybody joined in and I was pushed in deep state of grief and shock....

My life was looking like a mess. I would be attacked out of no where... and then there would be fake sympathy from my mother in law.
I was so hopeless because of my husband, of how he had just left me because of his mom’s issues wiyh me and what issues?

I joined IWill therapy for I was distraught...
and I could understand that I was going through was narcissist patterns...

My mother in law couldn’t see me getting the Center of attention. She had always controlled her family, her son loving anyone else was a sight, she couldn’t tolerate this when it happened!

And my entire in-law family including my husband were scared of the drama and we’re also stuck in that cycle of feeling guilty for thinking a little about themselves...

Learning that this pattern was theirs was a relief! I started drawing my boundaries, making my own space... standing up and not spilling into the drama of coldness, of superiority. I spoke back to the attacks, I did my own thing... I laughed the loudest ....

My husband did love me and so eventually he decided to join therapy with me. Turned out that therapy became his own healing space, he had been guilty of doing small things for himself, he had too much bottled up pain and need for expression.

He learned to stand up for himself while loving his mother! He learned how much his ignorance was damaging me even when I was his wife, giving me time, was his prerogative! He can’t abandon me, he can’t be wrong to me, to please his mother ... because in this pleasure was abuse for me, for in this display of love was rejection and abandoning for me!

Things changed a lot between us... the narcissist abuse stopped for me because my husband stood up...

But it’s still toxic, I am still in therapy because the abuse never goes completely, I am in this home for my husband, I see him as needing me too... narcissists don’t change however! You just learn to get strong and assert!

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