If you ignore wife to please others, dont marry & spoil her life
She feels lonely all the time. You canceled your birthday party plan with her last minute. You give her less time around others. You only speak and show affection when one is around.
Yet you say you love your wife a lot, what's going on?
This was a therapist at IWill asking what was happening between me and my wife!
To this I said,
I have a family too. I don't want to ignore them, make them feel I am changed. I don't want them to feel ignored.
To this the therapist said,
But things have changed for both of you, she left her home, you got married to her, promised to stay for life with her, became her. the main source of emotional partnership! Things have changed. And by giving her a place, that is deserving of the couple bond, is the right thing to do!
Why then not send her back? Why then expect her to be friendly and loving with your family. Why then ask her to be part of your friends and make them feel like she knows them from times. Why this change then?
Isn't this selfish? That you expect her to embrace and change every part of her being, and yet conveniently the reason for her not getting your attention is to ensure no one else in your family senses the change.
Your wife has emotions. She is as loved as you. You promised her good life. I am sure you have that in your mind too that's why I am now being able to show some things assertively to you after a few sessions.
But it's important you realize!
And then therapist at IWil further asked, why do you not show her affection?
Because others feel bad then. They feel i have forgotten them.
How is your loving your wife, asking her how she is, spending time with her forgetting others?
You joined work and you started remaining away. from home. You had friends and everyone accepted. that. You have as an adult kept sharing your time at home and dividing at places you are needed. Why then in the case of your wife, this sacrifice from her is expected?
You need to see that this is emotional abuse. She is depressed. She feels isolated and you too ignore her for what, for fake pleasure, for avoiding conflict whose basis is wrong?
If someone wants you to ignore your wife, you need to challenge that assumption! Not following this lame advice through!
This was my 5th session at IWill with wife, we were in couple therapy and my therapist was helping me see the biases in the basis of my judgment and behavior
It was an eye opener and I felt weak and unfair too! just to avoid confrontation, I kept my wife in depression and in isolation even when I loved her, rather I blamed her for her expectations with me!
In therapy, we are working to make our relationship better and I have understood that if you ignore your wife to please others, you don't deserve a wife and companion!