Being with someone, yet showing them they are not needed is emotional abuse

IWill user

My partner was always there for me. Accompanied me everywhere, took care of me...

but always also would keep telling me how they don’t need me.. that they can very well manage things alone... that it’s me who is weak and that is why they are there with me...

If I would tell them that something hurt, if I would cry or expect them to show back the love, they would simply tell that they don’t need it....

And I would cry... I would feel they were so cold and yet there doing everything for me... every moment they made me feel they were doing a favor on me by sticking in this relationship.

Everything was my fault. I was manic, I cried, I had no control, it was all my mistake... my partner was with me managing my “mental illness”

I really felt dejected.. I really fear abandonment... I did things so hyper in that fear... and everyone thought I was at fault, dramatic, unstable.

I joined therapy because I felt broken, scared, belittled, and yet had a spouse who was always there and always blamed me...

It was in therapy that I could see that even this feeling, a gesture that you don’t need someone is abusive, it breaks emotions, it makes one person higher and you the lesser being, who the person can choose to leave any day but is not doing because you would break down...

This is a way to control, have power... also diminish self-worth and break confidence in self... I worked in therapy on myself, learned to not to be scared of someone who threatens to leave every day, I worked on myself in therapy to learn to manage my own self and not letting them draw a narrative that I am just incapable of without them.

In therapy, I learned what I was being drawn into pain for,  for so long because I was given a feeling that only I need my partner, that my partner is doing a favor being with an “erratic, weak, fragile” person like me... emotional abuse comes in all shapes and sizes and in all forms...

If someone is with you, does things for you but constantly shows you; that they are here just because you need them, this is a deep form of abandonment, control that a person establishes, a fear psychosis that they may leave every time and you break its spell, I was rescued emotionally by IWill.

Today the fear of nothing holds me. I don’t ask them to be around me all the time...

I don’t feel scared or bad or worried when they say, they are in this for me... I focus beyond emotional abuse, I focus on letting them know that I can see their manipulation and that now it doesn’t bother me... I focus on my growth, my career, my emotional nourishment...

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