IWill 2021-08-24 12:12 - 6 minute read

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It’s wrong to expect wife to make sacrifices while husband is free to ignore her!

Anisha Verma

Some people even today are very hypocritical when it comes to marriage, like in my case...

I was expected to be the best wife in the world. I should love and take care of my sister-in-law, take care of her needs.  I should take care of everyone in the extended family, I should serve people around me.

I should work but not have too many ambitions. My friend circle wasn't great and so I needed to distance from them or else everybody would taunt or make me feel uncomfortable. The home needed me to be quiet, not have fun, be always seen as "restrained" and being "dignified" as if laughing was a sign of my lack of dignity :( 

I was supposed to be a good supportive wife, be there for him for everything, his needs, his life, and also let him do his work, be with his friends, not be with me at home as a spouse... And they would show many and all examples like around these...

And when it came to my husband's duties for me. They were just not there...

He should not spend too much time publicly with me.

He should not show me affection as this was a "sanskaari conservative" family

He should not spend money buying things for me as that made others insecure... 

He should not come to my family too often because that was not right...

And this was a love marriage! I came from a home setup where husband and wife were very close, I had seen my parents having a great life together...

I had not seen restrictions on a woman just for being a daughter-in-law like this... I didn't understand how were they even expecting this so hypocritically?

So I should be doing everything making myself empty and yet i should be happy being lonely, only have share of duties... I didn't need money, no shelter, I had all of that! 

For god sake, I had married for companionship!

I was broken and emotionally empty!

I was very ANGRY and disliked everyone, naturally because they were being so wrong to me!

I was being told that I was the problem by my husband, which made the situation even worse.

My emotions were destructed

My life had changed for the very worst, and emotions like jealousy, insecurity, pity, anger would be all, that I struggle within a day!

Everyone including my husband looked very selfish!

My respect was destroyed


I joined IWill therapy after reading a post on instagram. For IWill therapy, start sessions through this app link: https://epsyclinic.page.link/ezHe

The therapist at IWill helped me explain, it wasn't me, it was their social conditioning! It was their insecurity and the first thing I needed to do was "STOP BLAMING MYSELF" FOR EVEN MY CHOICE AND DECISION". Had I known this, I wouldn't have married or not without clarifying all this.

Second, she helped me become emotionally resilient and strong and start speaking for things that were wrong... I had right to my friends, to my smile, to my career with all the ambitions and time with my spouse... That I should be ok in asserting, following, and being myself!

Next when I got more in control and assertive without crying/fighting or isolating...

My husband too joined in therapy on my insistence. It was in therapy, he was made to see step by step how behaviors and actions and treatment at home are breaking my emotions, how I see myself, and how I live my life...

She helped him role-play and see if any of what was happening to me, happened to him, would he be able to feel good? If my parents STOP HIM FROM SPENDING TIME WITH ME, how would it feel?

If he had to leave his friends, be asked not to laugh, HOW WOULD THAT LIFE BE?

And also helped challenge the assumptions that I was any less, that in a marriage men somehow have the right to be happier and by default, DEPRESSION and pain is what a woman will get so no big deal!


As IWil therapy progressed, things did change for me... As we had changed it for us...

I no longer. am subjected to this discrimination! My husband stands tall with me... He too intervenes when something unfair happens!
I will not be ok anymore in doing sacrifices at MY COST! This hypocrisy that destroys my life will not be acceptable to me, no matter how this gets me labeled by OTHERS! 

For IWill therapy, start sessions through this app link: https://epsyclinic.page.link/ezHe

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