IWill 2023-09-19 12:29 - 6 minute read

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5 obvious signs of emotional abuse that are there but nobody believes the sufferer

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You are overreacting 

You are too sensitive

She/he is not the right person for you.

You find reasons to be unhappy

You are doing this to take attention.

I never said that 

I never meant that 

You don't take care of us. [Reverse blame]


Well, if you have been in deep pain, feeling neglected, finding life to be tough and yet all you hear is this and no change, same behavior, same pain and no understanding of your pain, we hear you.

You could be going through emotional abuse.


Here are 5 obvious signs that it's happening but since abuse is done by people, they will never accept it and usually they are smart enough to confuse others by saying mixed things or doing it in silence or treat others so better that no one is there to take your side either!


1. Your pain is minimized and is replaced with their own stories 

Oh you have fever, 15 days ago I had such bad fever you know, but I still had to take care of home, be around kids, take care of family, I couldn't even say much and xyz. They will continue telling how bad it is for them and minimise your pain and even your need to rest, making you feel like emotionally unheard and also making you feel like you are troubled for something not worthy 


2. Your wins are not important and its always your fault 

Have you been around people who constantly minimise, compare, throw under the bus any achievement you make, they compare immediately your success with others. And if you fail, now or in the past, you would be reminded of that.

 You are scared to sit alone with then because the moment you are, they will attack you with some reminder of how less you are, what you don't have and even turn your win into a loss or so what themed conversation.


They deplete you, make you have breakdowns and self doubt and they do it in a way that you look like the mad one feeling bad about it.


3. They ignore you in group settings and use you in private 

An emotional abuser will suddenly reappear when they need you, it could happen several times a day. They need you and they are there. But when in front of others, they would never appreciate you, they wouldn't even say one gold thing to others about you that is meaningful.

You also notice this because none of the people close to them ever like you, they are always distant to you and ignore you. You can read all of it but can't say a thing. Because no one believes.


4. They are insecure and ensure that you are isolated from the person you love and need 

They will gaslight, manipulate them or you depending on the dynamics and make sure that there is distance, lack of connection and love between you and the person you most want to be with.

They will do a lot of things early on to isolate you, and you find yourself in defensive and fighting mode and when you say something, you look like the problem. You are labelled as over expecting and jealous when in fact you are completely shocked on why this kind of insecurity and isolation is being thrown at you.


5. They give you vibes. They are cold to you. They ignore you. They are never there when you need them

It's a cold vibe that is present all the time. You feel it. You say something they don't hear. You need them. They are not there

When they need you, they ask you. You should comfort them, never they.

You should always have the responsibility of carrying weight of the relationship, never they.

They empty you.

They expect from you.

They make sure you feel guilty for your failures and never feel good about success you make.

They make sure you never get emotional validation for your pain.

And it is emptying. It is breaking. It can be isolating, mentally designed to cause a lot of pain and suffering and mess you up too.

Seek therapy at IWill if you are going through this, seek therapy so that you can feel better. Therapy at IWill can help you stand up. Assert gain strength and perspective to fight back, be yourself and also can help others around you see what you are going through, if they can join therapy too.

Emotional abuse is slow but it has some of the most painful results for people going through it.

It can cause a lot of mental turmoil and isolation. You need healing to be yourself, to not be afraid, to not be scared, to show who you are, to be strong to be alone when needed, than to be codependent on company of toxic emotional abusive situations and people.

For therapy at IWill, download app link from below, start assessment and book sessions with your paired IWill therapist or click "Start IWill journey" from top right corner 

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