7 things in-laws can do that destabilize a marriage and break happiness

IWill blogs

In-laws related issues are number one cause of relationship troubles and even divorces in India.

How families are structured in India can have a huge negative impact too on marriages and its important to recognise and shift this in order to make lives happier and marriage a safe and happy .

Here are the 7 things that in laws do that can completely destabilize a marriage and break homes and happiness.

Destroying boundaries and not realising husband wife core unit:  Most in-laws have no concept of boundary. They see their son as still theirs and see wife As someone who has joined family too serve others , to take care of son, to raise children. The core bond between husband and wife, their boundaries, their need to love and understand each other, for the man to take care of his wife is completely ignored. This lack of boundary breaks any good relationship.

2.Taking sides and manipulating : in many homes to appear closer to the child or in irrational love for them, inlaws end up creating differences amongst spouses, convincing their child that the partner is wrong, or that they don't like how they are taken for granted. Taking sides of one child, trying to make villian of the partner if he/she tries to have their say too or communicate, they create misunderstandings and big differences amongst couples

3. Deciding or interfering on life goals: which job to take, when to plan a baby, who works how many hours are all decisions couples should take with each other's consent. And yet in many families its in-laws who dictate their decisions or constantly bring their opnions and create stress if their view is not respected. This creates major tussle and broke trust amongst couples and also lack of self decisions can bring in feelings of helplessness

4. Constant bullying of spouse : in many homes, wife becomes target of small And big taunts and bullying. She may be ignored, she may be made to feel like she means less than everyone else. She be made to feel like she is in competition with others. And this creates a very unsafe and unsettling environment for a woman who is already anxious. Most women feel depressive when confronted with bullying or ignorance by in-laws in their own home.

5. Financial Controlling  : in many families where husband and wife cannot access their finances together, where the finances are expected to be of the larger family or come from the larger family without power to make Financial decisions or even freedom to make small investments for each other can be highly unsettling and break the very core essence of adult and couple freedom.

6. Using children to dominate: in many homes the young ones of couples are used to make the partner feel less. Remarks on parenting, showing that the child belongs to the son's lineage alone, dominating and constantly trying to make the wife feel separated mentally from her own child or comparing her children with that of the sister or the other brother and putting blame on her and doing this on constant basis, can break relationships and the person suffering this dynamic.

7. Forcing son/daughter prove love, ignoring their partner : In families where the son or daughter are almost made to ignore the spouse partner to prove continued loyalty to the mother or father break the very essence of bond of love between partners. In many families the son is directly asked to make choices, to show love by ignoring wife or by comparing and constant remarks. These homes become extremely toxic for the partner and for the marriage shaking the very core of the marriage.

When such in-law settings are present, it's important to seek therapy and break these dynamics. They can create immense sadness, lack of trust and even depression in one or both partners and also can cause a marriage to break or become lifeless

Therapy at IWill helps in understanding these faulty dynamics to then break them and make couple relationships stronger, more independent and mutually respectful and complete.

In-law issues can break marriages by creating loss of boundaries, financial dependence and control, family control and manipulation. It's important to recognise these and break to change these to ensure harmony and happiness prevails over depression, fear, resentment and feelings of being stuck and feelings of abandonment