A married man who is a mama's boy cannot strike a balance between Mom and Wife

IWill blogs

My husband was a mama's boy. Being a mama's boy is not the same as loving one's mother.

A mama's boy means someone who is still dependent on his mother's approval, mother's love as a grown-up man, as he would have been as a child.

And a mama's boy still sees his mother as his only primary source of love and comfort, as would have been the case with a child.

This pattern of relationship with the mother is detrimental to A MAN'S MARRIAGE AND WIFE and this was my experience. 

Here is how it affected me.

1. He couldn't love me because he would constantly seek his mother's approval for spending time with me, for even doing things for me and if she wasn't happy, I would be denied the love. 

2. He would seek his mother's approval to make judgments on me. If his mother remarked poorly on me, he would fight with me, he would make me feel like I was not enough, or that I needed to change. Any manipulation done by his mother for me, he would take it seriously and start attacking me.

3. He would fight with me, ignore me, and praise his mother in comparison to me, to gain his mother's validation. 

4. He would always seek attention and give attention to his mother and he would make me play this role too, to please his mother.

5. I felt like a third person in this relationship where there was an existing strong emotional bond and they would, he would make me feel like I was coming in way of it! 

6. I was always lonely and there was no balance, no love for me.

7. His mother too would judge me for almost not babying him. And I would feel completely unloved, bullied and lonely!

8. THE MORE I TRIED TO MAKE HIM UNDERSTAND, THE MORE HE WOULD ATTACK ME AND PRONOUNCE HOW MUCH LOVE I HAD FOR MY MOTHER!

And then he would isolate me further. He would pay no regard to how I was his wife too, how I was isolated. How I left MY HOME and got married to him to BE WITH HIM. HE was an adult and he had to respect the bond we had. But he never acknowledged it! 

I started therapy at IWill online because I was beyond depressed, angry, resentful, and hurt.

I wanted someone to listen to me and tell me that I was understood. I was made to feel like a villain but in reality, I HAD NOTHING AGAINST HIS MOTHER, I WANTED LOVE FOR MYSELF, which I wasn't getting in this marriage.

My IWill therapist understood my loneliness, my pain, and the DENIAL OF A RELATIONSHIP OF LOVE, OF MARRIAGE THAT WAS COMMITTED TO ME.

She could understand that my sadness was valid and she helped me see that this ENMESHED DYNAMIC BETWEEN MOTHER AND SON HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH ME.

I wasn't at fault and that's not because I am not good, it's because he doesn't have a mind matured enough to understand what the place of a wife is.

She helped me understand that first and foremost I needed to work on, myself, I needed to focus on my career and my circle and I needed to find a way to not attach my happiness to this faulty dynamic, which SHE UNDERSTOOD WAS GOING TO VERY TOUGH.

In IWill therapy she helped me recover, and think about my life very seriously!
 

I started focusing on my job, and talking to my family what I needed out of this marriage. 

My husband wasn't interested in even trying to work this relationship with me on any different terms that were already set, and that is we together just please his mother...

A marriage and LIFE no woman deserved!

I moved out of the marriage and focussed on my life. It took a lot of time to heal from this trauma but I finally did, thanks to therapy at IWill. 

Mama's boy in my opinion cannot become a good husband because of his inability to even recognize his basic duty towards his wife

Prachi Gupta 

To book therapy sessions with the best therapists in the country, at IWill, download the app from the button below or start IWill therapy from the top right corner.