IWill 2022-08-08 11:44 - 4 minute read

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Anxiety makes me feel miserable in my head. I was tired 

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Today you will have to face the worst you were thinking, do something or the worst will happen, hide somewhere 

Should you go for that interview? You haven't been selected anywhere earlier. You should say you are unwell. Don't go, you will fail very badly.

They are talking about you, it won't be nice I am sure. Looks like you are embarrassing yourself.

Surely it's a big health issue. You have all the symptoms, it's over.


This and more was said by my brain with anxiety completely.

I was always on the edge, always feeling not so relaxed and then there would be times right before big things or when a situation came, that it would freeze me completely


I avoided meeting people.

I was always worried of saying something that will embarrass me.

I was always worried of worst outcomes.


I was living the worst reality of me in my head. And this reality destroyed my present, I lost chances, I lost confidence, I lost moments of my life that I didn't deserve to lose.


And yet anxiety would never leave me. I was tired.

I was exhausted.


People around me blamed me for being always so unpredictable and also causing others problem with my anxiety and anxious thoughts.

I started IWill therapy on recommendation of a colleague who told me about her experience with anxiety too, and how she overcame.


Through therapy at IWill,

I first got a complete non judgemental place where I could say anything and everything that my heart felt, I wasn't judged, I could speak all my fears. I could be myself.


And next she helped me with seeing what all past fears I had, did actually happen and being in those fears, how did it impact my life.


I could see, not even 5% of what I imagined happened to me.

And yet I had lost years in this fear. All good things I didn't do because of fears that I had, I lost rea opportunities.

So yes some of my worst fears did come true but not because of what I was fearing, but because of the fear itself and that was profound for me.

I also learnt how to accept uncertainty and wait on it. I learnt to believe that every uncertainty is an opportunity and some of the other remaining ones will unfold when they have to.

What is needed, one should do but not stop, halt or harm life for it.

The next thing I learnt in therapy was to talk positive to self, to believe, to like myself, to see good that I had achieved too, to be in sync with my own capabilities, to grow and to be. 

5 months in IWill therapy and one anxious thought that I get, I don't let it destroy me, I don't let it break me. I keep going, believing if I control what I can, that's all that matters, if I excel, believe where I can, that's all that matters.



Now when anxiety says 

Don't go you would embarrass yourself,


I talk back to it

I will go. And I will be my best. Now just go.


When my anxiety says, 

You have a big illness, that symptom.

I tell it to wait 15 days and not bother me until then.

If my anxiety says, i will be facing the worst,

I tell it back, but I will still do my best.

I am back at driving seat and anxiety is not even at the back seat now.

I am glad I took help, I can relax, be myself, be in control now and just flow with life. It's beautiful.

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