IWill 2021-06-09 12:22 - 4 minute read

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As a wife I cant take the blame of the drama my inlaws were creating

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1. Oh, so she wants you to go to her home so often. That’s not nice. She is trying to take you away from your family!
2. She never calls anyone. Relatives were saying that she doesn’t really make them feel like she is part of the family now!
3. Look how she spoke today. She has little respect. I would have never done that to an elder!
4. She always wants to be alone with you. This way we will lose you. And you are letting that happen!

This is the way drama was being blamed on me for seemingly normal expectations and things I was doing as a woman and wife! I was tired. I was tired to be blamed for no fault of mine, tired to be then having to prove my husband or he going against me, falling in this trap of drama!

I was isolated. I felt humiliated. I felt alone and I felt disappointed. This all led to hopelessness and eventually depression.

I joined IWill therapy for sessions and my husband joined these too!

It was in therapy that I could regain my strength, my perspective, my voice, and the therapist at IWill helped my husband see how the things he was attacking me for, actually were so normal and that he was being unfair!

She said,
1. Her expectation that you should meet her family too! What’s wrong in that? Don’t you expect her to be with your family? Don’t you like when you are at her home! Marriage is of equals! Her parents are your parents too. They need their daughter too!

2. For spending time with you, isn’t that what’s supposed to happen? As couples, as wife, she is here for you! It’s marriage between you two! If you don’t agree on life, if you don’t love and spend time with each other, how will this bond emerge? She had her own parents and family and home! She came here for you! This kind of blame on her for expecting your time is emotional abuse and it’s sad you too are becoming part of it

3. Have you been able to please all your relatives? l can you talk to people attacking you? If you can’t, why expect her? She always listens to what is not good, how she needs to do more, comparisons, feelings that she is less for you than others! Is this the way?

4. And her speaking. Don’t you tell your mother or father, what you don’t like? Don’t you refuse for things you can’t do? She was polite. She just had an opinion and if this is her home, she is entitled to that!

She is being broken with this secondary treatment! These blames and honestly, they should stop. She is your wife, a companion, a family and she can’t be blamed and sidelined like this.

She has to be respectful to you and you have to be respectful to her!

Things changed after therapy for me!! My husband started seeing why blaming me was unfair but more importantly, I became assertive and reasonable! Rather than crying or feeling bad, I stood up to the abuse and exposed it!

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