As a young mother I always get the blame for kids action but never praise when they do good. Enough.

IWill blogs

 

Oh look the kids are playing in the mud, their mother is busy on phone, what else do you expect?

The kids look so thin, the mother doesn't feed them well. God knows what she does the whole time

Oh he is crying, that's because he sees his mom is always crying or has a bad mood, that's what kids learn.

She doesn't care. She needs her career. Kids are not her priority.

And same people for my kids 

Yes their grades are great, that's all because of their father. He was also a genius and he gives time.

Yes they speak so well, Arun takes special attention on this

They are so well behaved and so helpful, they have gone on their father.

 

I felt so attacked all the time, no matter what I do as a mother, I never get appreciation.

It's hurtful to listen to these blames, subtle attacks everyday, and when kids do well, I never get the appreciation.

When I talk about this, I am blamed for misunderstanding too and being never happy. 

I was broken, i used to feel like crying all day. My sense of self worth was so broken and i felt judged, empty and always in the need to prove or get some praise atleast for the effort I do.

I was becoming mentally very unhappy and in a very bad place.

I would talk to my husband and he wouldn't take any of this seriously, he wasn't even able to understand why should this hurt me?

I joined IWill therapy because i was long depressed, I always felt attacked and underappreciated but these feelings and pain, only grew since then.

In therapy my therapist first acknowledged that I wasn't wrong, that emotions Can break and it can be all very hurtful to be constantly made to feel like I Am not a good mother.

But next she helped me to claim my reality. She helped me assert, call out this bias there and then and demand respect. 

She also made me slowly focus on seeing things beyond these words, staying happy, having a circle, not looking validation from this small group alone but have friends, social interactions that enrich me.

She also helped me realised that no matter what others say, my kids love me, they are growing well and that is my real report card, love between me and my family 

She took a few sessions also with my husband and encouraged him to stand for my respect, helped him see how his family is getting weaker with these blames on me, that it's also thankless to do so much and then only get blames for not doing enough.

Therapy helped me so much to look beyond these daily remarks, this hurt, and stand up for myself. And also nor take feedback of people who had issues with me, all that seriously and as Assessment of my worth.

I don't hurt anymore, I stand for myself, I am happy.

Stop saying mothers have highest place and then attack young mothers. It's hypocrisy and almost looks like you just want highest place for yourself.