IWill

IWill 2021-07-14 02:28 - 4 minute read

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Being a wife doesn’t mean I am here to take silent abuse and disrespect of in-laws

IWill user

Being a wife doesn’t mean I am here to take silent abuse and disrespect of in-laws...

Yes I am a wife. Yes I love my husband...
Yes I understand his home has to be mine and his family should be like my own to me...

But this responsibility isn’t mine alone... this responsibility of treating his family like a family is not mine alone. It’s theirs too...

I was so upset, so pained, so alarmed by the way I was treated but it was done so silently that I couldn’t even make noise about it...

I would be spoken nicely to when everyone was around but then when no one would be watching I would be completely ignored.

My husband would be asked to never spend a minute with me.. he would always be asked to ignore me and then I would be given fake words of empathy and how “men” in this family are always like this!

I would be compared subtly to everyone else... one word of my praise and 30 words of praise of someone else. This passive aggressive hurt that I couldn’t even tell others what hurt me.. I couldn’t say I didn’t like someone else was getting praised but in reality, it was said to make me feel less, be hurt and yet not have the power to scream.

Every rule for me and others was different abd it was packaged in a way that it should look normal... things like “your sister in law is even more duty bound in her home”. As though to tell me that I need to expect an even lower standard for me right now...

I was broken, I had no voice... if I told my husband he didn’t understand.. rather he would blame me since his family bought me “gifts” , was so nice on everyone’s face..: what exactly was I complaining of... I joined iwill therapy as I had heard a lot about this platform...

First in IWill therapy , the therapist helped me feel like I was heard... she acknowledged my emotions and first person who didn’t ask me to “adjust”.

She made me feel much stronger, helped me assert myself. Helped me get my husband’s time, get stronger immunity against the senseless tactics of my in laws especially my sister and mom-in-law...

Later my husband joined therapy too... he in therapy was helped to see how I was feeling bad...

She helped him see that without my husband’s time in this home, I couldn’t be happy... she helped him see that how it felt when in everything randomly some comparison would be brought up and how it’s draining for someone who is at the receiving end.
She helped him see all the passive-aggressive ways in which I was being abused and how it wasn’t ok... I wasn’t and didn’t become his wife to be mistreated and hurt..
He understood and started changing.... he started really loving me and understanding my hurt... he started empathizing with my isolation and started filling this in...

He understood that I didn’t have to be absurd because I was his wife... rather than silent abuse what I deserved was loud and clear respect.... his home was mine too and the only way that would be , if it had full independent space for me, my needs, my personality and my happiness!

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