IWill 2022-05-01 12:22 - 4 minute read

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Being lonely, when you have people around but they don’t care is the worst pain.

IWill blogs

How does loneliness feel?

I got up as always in pain. I knew that the people I live with, will have their own plans, that I can’t influence... they don’t care if I am there or not, their day plans never change...

That feeling of emptiness used to kick in right in the morning.

My loved one was always giving attention to others, the plans will be made with others, I was just to see them.

The home had no impression of me. What would happen, who would come, what will be made in food, all had other’s influence, not mine. I felt limited within me and yet living with so many people.

*I was there, people would talk to me but only about things that mattered to them, my dreams, my career, my life was of no consequence to them.

If I cried, people would ask once and then go about their eating or working routine!
If I wanted to love or wanted things to happen for me, I would have to ask for everything... like no one cared on their own for me.

The whole atmosphere was so emptying for me, so isolating, so painful.

Loneliness was causing more pain

Seeing how people were around, they cared for themselves and others but I meant nothing for them!

I was depressed.
I was breaking inside that I wanted to not exist.
I was so stuck

I never imagined my life to be this and yet it was...

But I didn’t want to let others have so much power over me... I really want to stop crying, make so much progress, and grow that I show the world I needed myself to be happy..

I joined IWill therapy sessions... I had severe depression and the therapist at IWill helped me fight it out.

The loneliness, the pain I faced and struggled with, she helped me do things, that distracted me initially but later they started helping me have my own plans.

She gave me the confidence... also the best thing was she allowed me to process the hurt!

When someone would say something to me; I would discuss that with a therapist, process the hurt and get the power to move on... to have someone who didn’t judge me and to be able to share triggers and pain in real-time without feeling alone, was the most helpful! And I can’t thank you enough that I having this each week. Sometimes twice!!!

I started prioritizing myself. Thinking about me, things that I want...

I joined a job.
I joined a club of friends.
I started ordering food that I like.
I started dressing the colors, and the themes of my room. I started asserting, taking charge...

I was happy.

I didn’t feel bad at all about whose attention I had or didn’t have on me...

I wasn’t lonely.... now they were wondering what was “wrong” with me!!!

No one likes knowing that they are not needed anymore... everyone including my loved one is trying to figure this out..it’s good now it’s their turn, as it was mine to make sense of why I was made so lonely all these years.

I have risen from ashes now.

Gurmeet Ahluwalia

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