Being manipulated by someone so much that you ignore yourself and others is not ok!
Sometimes in the name of love, we actually allow someone to completely isolate us and also destroy our happiness. This is what happens when you come around a narcissist or a toxic person. And this is all too common, people fall trap to it and never even realize it. Rather they keep thinking this abuse is good and should be preserved and protected!
This is what happened to me. And happens with people who you trust. Or think are most important to you.
I was reduced to a person who was there just to fulfill someone’s needs. They loved me big only and only if I did things for them, like the way they wanted.
If I tried to do things any differently, they would get all emotional, cry or blame me that I was causing them pain... this would initially make me angry but eventually I would be guilybytipped into thinking this was right for me...
I lost friends, lost many people who I loved dearly because the person manipulating me always made me feel guilty of being with anyone else, and constantly made me feel that others are selfish or that I being with them are breaking my best interest. I started distancing from everyone. And doubting some people who really loved me...
They from time to time made me self doubt and only appreciated me or said I was good when I did things for them... as I was isolated, to feel good about myself, I started being more like they wanted me to be...
I was now alone. I was always unhappy. They were always upset, it was hard to please them. I was totally lonely and I had driven people who loved me out of my life.
And I was still not sure what the problem was. I thought the problem is within me. I self doubted myself, thought I couldn’t hold anyone together or know how to be happy.
I was so depressed that I wanted to not live...
I joined iwill therapy, not thinking that it would help me, but thinking I was the problem... but therapy helped me see my life from a distance.
I wasn’t happy because I never lived like myself. I was chasing their goals, how they wanted me to be... I had isolated my loved one, I had been alone, never took a career because I had to do and be where the manipulator was, I kept working but for them and never got to do or feel things for me.
We all have families, we all take care of each other but it’s mutual. We get our strength to be ourselves, we get to love and freedom in families, from loved one... but I got self-doubt, blame, always attack for things that went wrong in their lives, always asked to be alone to prove my loyalty to them; to manage their emotions, their insecurity; their goals, their own lack of self-esteem!
I learned to stand up for myself, to not be guilty of keeping myself too in my focus, to not feel sorry if I wanted to be loved and admire someone in my life, to not doubt myself, and see myself from how the manipulator wanted to see me...
I learned to assert, to stand up, to ignore, to cut off, to manage hard emotions, and be strong for myself!
And today I am finally happy... I am working for myself, I get hurt for all the things I lost, but I am glad I can now at least not be abused on a daily basis or kept just serving one person at the expense of my mental health!