IWill

IWill 2022-05-21 05:16 - 6 minute read

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Continuous Small remarks and attacks at home cause big mental health issues! 

Smita Singh

I just entered the home. I was feeling very normal. 

The first thing I heard as soon as I entered inside was “You could have come earlier too. What were you doing”

I replied : “I had office”

And response was 

Office oh ya, you work so much but you should get promotion too, ha ha ”. And then topic changed...

I was sitting there but felt like crying. In a second, I had not only been told what my status was, I was not only insulted but also treated so poorly, as though I was born to hear remarks!

Why are you feeding her with your hands ? (When my husband gave me a bite of food).

Can’t she eat herself!

What are you doing ?

I am working... (I said)

Oh, you know how to get up early too. Ha ha ha... 

You are unwell... so sorry to hear that... you should do more physical exercise, look at your weight... I shouldn’t say but it’s a problem

Did you eat that food? Don’t you know that without bhog nothing gets eaten in this house? 

 

Oh you are going to your mom’s. Your mom also can’t live with you. Haina? She got her daughter married but doesn’t know what it means. 

We need just one thing from you and that is to become a mother. You must do that for my happiness. You must understand! 

Oh, what a lovely suit. When did you buy this? Looks like now you have money! There are other things that need to be done for home that are pending too!

Oh another trip, now no loss of work? 

Come and touch everyone’s feet. Do you even take care of her husband? He is getting so thin and doesn’t look happy... (a group of women sitting together, who were mummy Ji’s friends send me this)

These were small remarks day in and day out.  And one would say, oh these are just so ignorable... but they were breaking me...

I felt unloved and totally discriminated against. 

I had to live with same people and was expected to not even say a word. 

I was constantly made to feel less and attacked as though I was less than them in everything. And the whole group would break my self-esteem to pamper their shallow ego. It used to be so exhausting and so anger-provoking. 

I had so many fights with my partner. Whether he was this kind of person or not, he didn’t take any stand for me...

I felt completely disappointed in him as I trusted him to ensure that I will have love and respect. 

 

I was sure that he has value for me in his eyes! But his silence, me being for him and he staying silent will break me... 

Small remarks have made me empty! Completely scarred... 

 

I joined IWill therapy and therapy helped me to repair my scars, stand like a rock for myself, assert and never take nonsense again!

The therapist helped me to learn to give it back if someone was abusive but then not keep ruminating or wasting my mind space on what was said by someone who I knew was TOXIC!

The IWill Therapist also had sessions with my partner and helped him see that his silence was breaking the house, was breaking me; and was allowing toxic patterns to continue and that was not ok. She helped him see that after all this was his home, his family and they valued him, needed him and that is why it was his prerogative to talk to them

Assertively and make them stop such snide; heartbreaking and cruel remarks! 

She also helped him see that his active love and respect in front of other family members too would make others stop their attacks... 

Things have changed a lot for me. 

I have my boundaries. 

I assert. 

My husband gives me extra love. He stands too for me and doesn’t allow my insult to happen! 

Small remarks had almost killed me. Never ask your loved one to adjust to them.

They are a slow poison that kills you from within and the only way out is for you to stand and help end these!

Smita Singh 

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