Traits of Covert Narcissism

Covert narcissist usually acts as a victim.

They don't openly show their narcissism and grandiosity but instead show that they are really weak and dependent on others and then almost emotionally manipulate their close people to protect them even when there is no obvious problem, ensure that people they are close to, only take care of them and ignore others.

They also create misunderstandings among people for their benefit, use silent treatment to make loved one's worry and comply and constantly creating minor sacrifices to keep the people around feeling grateful and obligated to do things their way!

My mother-in-law is a covert narcissist

My mother-in-law didn't like me at all from day one because her son loved me and I was important to him. So rather than attacking me directly or saying things that could be seen as problematic, she started doing it differently

1. She said to my husband, all crying, that she thinks he should send him to an ashram or somewhere as she didnt want to be a burden on him and his new life. And this was totally random and nothing that he did could trigger it. This made my husband so guilty that he started pulling all attention away from me.

2. She would pick up any small thing that I said and completely twist it and make me feel like I was wrong. As once I said that I will not cook. I said it because I was really unwell and there was help. She said to my husband that since I didn't want to cook, she cooked for him... This and more things like this were her every-day.

3. She would be unwell each day around the time my husband was supposed to come and my plans would be cancelled, my time with my husband would be gone.

And it was not like she was really unwell. She was fine all day and I could see that its been done purposely to make me further alone and to keep her SON with her,

4. She would constantly try and do things to take attention to her and away from me, of my husband.

5. She would give me silent treatment and when my husband wasn't around, not even talk to me. And then would dramatise to care around me and ask for me when my husband was around.

As it would happen each day, I would not feel comfortable and this would make my husband feel that I was being arrogant to his mother or indifferent to her.

6. She would also not talk to my husband if he gave me time and then when he would ask, she would cry and say that she is lonely.

Her manipulative ways, her need for control and her not showing on the face how she truly felt were the worst combination. I was isolated and if I spoke against it, I would be considered wrong.

I was beyond unhappy and completely isolated and unloved... And I would constantly face her arrogance that was silent but always making me feel like I had lost....

I joined IWill therapy as I was in deep depression.

It was here that my IWill therapist first helped me not to fall weak. She helped me find ways to assert my own boundaries, say things assertively and in front of everyone.

She also helped me focus on my career and give her less and less attention.

She also helped me understand that rather than fighting with my husband on an issue he wouldnt understand now,

I must strengthen our bond. I started talking about us, I started talking about how time with him makes me happy, and started doing things for him... This led to his reciprocation and love too and also when he did more of this, my mother in law would attack more out in the open, making my husband see what I was facing too...

He started standing up for me and for my happiness.

I also would speak assertively when I was attacked for no good reason and also I started showing little or no pain with her remakrs and what she did... This would make her feel even more angry and expose the manipulative side more in front of me and my husband.

I was really badly emotionally abused and I had almost lost my husband and my marriage to it. Taking help , I healed myself and also drew boundaries and tackled the whole situation smartly... This has saved my happiness and my relationship.

Covert narcissists can cause trauma to your brain. They can inflict pain like no one else and instil so much self doubt in you. I am still overcoming all of this with IWill therapy's help.

I shared this article because I know many people go through this exact thing like me. Please seek help. I know its very painful and you are not alone!
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