IWill

IWill 2021-09-13 05:37 - 8 minute read

Book & Start IWill Therapy Now Online On Play Store App Store

Dear husband, I am out of the family POLITICS now! 

IWill blogs

 

Bhabhi, how can bhaiya go with you to your parents in the next month? Mom had some plans with bhaiya too. I hope you knew...

Well, I know Shikha. And I am going alone on my own. I am not going with your brother. I need a holiday with my parents. I am going to take them this time... It will be fun...

My husband who was eating his breakfast stopped it and suddenly looked at me in surprise.

If I would have been an earlier version of me, I would have cried to this, I would have felt low, I would have canceled my plan or felt how badly was I treated in this home, but not anymore.. 

 Later he asked me, that if I could postpone, he could join in and I said no, I wanted to go alone and that he too can do his duties as thrust upon him! 

 

Sumit, you have a mother too. You have no time for sitting with me these days... 

Yes, I agree, Sumit, sit with mom, I have to anyways finish my office work. I would need time... You go ahead and relax yourself...

As I got up, not in anger, but in a positive smile,  his mother and my husband both looked shocked 

 

Sumit, TODAY Rohini spoke very badly to me. She said that she cannot go to groceries with me...

As always Sumit came in, charged.  He asked me what had happened

And I calmly replied, as always she misunderstood me. The point is I cannot go to the grocery store today because I have work. I have nothing against her. 

But you would have been rude? 

No, I wasn't I REPLIED BACK and quietly without any confrontation went to another room...

 

Everyone in my home was shocked to see this change in me.

The politics at home of whether who owns my husband, me or my mother and his family, was now becoming irrelevant. A politics that had long destroyed, my WELLBEING, MY RELATIONSHIP WITH MY LIFE, AND IMPACTED ME LIKE A DISEASE...

My husband was the most perturbed. He earlier used to make me feel secondary on many occasions, think that I was always wrong and treated me like someone who would be just happy with all his wishes and was there to adjust. He was shocked to see that I did not entertain this anymore, that the crazy craving for me to have his attention, his admiration, his more love was gone... He was shocked to see I was happy in my own world, even when I was still living in his. 

I had been breaking myself ever since marriage. This family and its politics all revolved around my husband and control on him somehow meant control on life for his family. I did not realize when I too had fallen into this trap. I did not realize how the insecurity because of my presence and my own claim on my husband, which was right was giving fire to this... 

I would be always pitted against his mother and then I would lose. I would feel like I was unlucky... I would feel like I was cornered. Everything related to me and my husband had to be the last. There was a lot of effort made to let this happen....

 

But what it led to was that I was breaking down. I cried feeling like a victim. I felt like why was I treated so badly. Why were people always making me the wrong one? Why was every plan that I made, somehow the wrong one, somehow the unneeded one? I wanted my husband to stand up for me... But that never happened

I joined IWill therapy and it is there that through therapy sessions, my therapist helped me see that I did not need my husband to stand up for me to end this politics.

That by making my life only about him, I was the one causing myself hurt. He certainly made his decisions such that I was one amongst the many... I too needed to do the same. She helped me see that the more I cried, the more I hurt myself, the more bitter and angry I was, the more my life was going at a toss. 

 

She helped me see that I had the power to put an end to this politics.

THAT RATHER THAN KEEPING MY HUSBAND IN THE CENTER OF MY LIFE, I NEEDED TO KEEP MYSELF THERE AND SEE THINGS FROM THAT STANDPOINT.

 

That I needed myself, not him to feel that I was right. She helped me see how I had become a crying person, how I had lost my friends, how I had lost my looks, my career, my family, all because i was paying all my energy and attention fighting this politics, which was clearly above me. I was too better than this. I had a life out of this

She helped me see how by not being a part of this politics, how by not being begging for my husband's time, by standing tall, by not falling so weak that I need my happiness by controlling a man, I would rather enable my husband to realize probably that things needed a change...

It WAS tough but I did it!

I became free of the need to hold on to my husband.

Unlike others, I needed no support to be my own.

Unlike others, I needed no insecurity to have my love.

And within 3 months when I changed, everyone was shocked. My sister-in-law's odd comparisons were falling on deaf ears. My mother-in-law and her dislike for me were not entertained, I think making her to stop even trying to do it. And my husband suddenly wanting to "own" space of my life... 

But the best that is happened is that it has set me as a free bird, undeterred by their tactics. Their politics.

I smile, I laugh, I work, I enjoy, I am guilt-free, I like myself!
I just don't see myself from the eyes of their POLITICS anymore

 

More power to me

 

Rohini 

 

Book & Start IWill Therapy Now Online On Play Store App Store

The 
w
 Journey
The best online therapy experience
Play Store App Store