Dear husband, I don’t blame my in-laws! You were responsible for me in your home

Amrita Narang

Yes May be your parents were not as accepting of your wife. May be they reacted like some parents who get little insecure of their son’s new relationship. Yes they asked you to choose many times between them and her for small moments, happiness where there was no need for competition, but ultimately the one who did chose, the one who did ignore, the one who did isolate her for other’s comfort, unfortunately was you.

You, who had promised her a happy life, a life where you would love her and no one would be able to hurt her. Sadly you became the one because of whose ignorance, lack of love expression and isolation, she got the most hurt.

She was not someone else’s first family. She as your wife. You couldn’t have been manipulated against your closest. You needed to stand up for her. You were her defence or her own in this home!

In-laws are related to her through you. Everyone else’s bond with her, treatment of her will depend on how you chose to treat her.

1. When they asked you to ignore her, you should have asked yourself why? Why should you ignore her when she is here for you!
2. When they said she is trying to take everyone’s place, you should have confronted it, because she was taking her place in your life, she was giving you love! This is what marriage is about!
3. When they said she is too opinionated and doesn’t know how to be here, you should have seen, you, your sister all have a say, she is an independent woman too. If this is her home because of you, shouldn’t she have the same space too?
4. When they said she is trying to create differences, you should have stood by her because all she was doing was telling it’s wrong for her to be treated differently, as an outsider!

We can’t put the blame on others. As a couple, we are responsible for our happiness!

This was our iwill therapist in one of the sessions with me and my husband telling her that it wasn’t ok to say that it was in-laws fault! It wasn’t ok to not have accountability for our relationship!

Therapy is helping us a lot, me a lot to overcome depression and to have a chance to possibly take back control of my life through depression! And we have learnt, my husband has realised too that he can’t put the blame on others! I should have had his back!

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