IWill

IWill 2022-01-04 09:12 - 4 minute read

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Dear husband, I wont cry anymore because of your ignorance. I have my life too 

Shrabani Malhotra 

My husband ignored me again when he came back from work.

But rather than feeling bad, ignored, and upset with this, I was working, and then I ate well and had a good sleep.

 

My husband again made me a trip for the weekend with his family... 

I didn't feel like my life was over... And I didn't compare myself to other women who had better than me... I made my own plans. I took an office-related assignment, spent time with friends, and had a great time... 

 

My husband again came and asked me to adjust and do as should happen in his family...

But this time I made my boundary clear. I made it clear that I don't like attacks on my personality, my clothes, my life and so I will not adjust to abuse... No one is as important to convince me that I deserve abuse in the name of family adjustments...

 

My husband had emotions for everyone, spoke to everyone... But he never cared for me, for my health, for my emotions... He was always cold in his expressions towards me...

His ignorance would drive me crazy... I used to feel like the unluckiest person alive

but not anymore I had realized that I needed to take care of myself... Just because my husband chose to be so discriminatory... It didn't mean that I didn't deserve happiness... I started taking care of myself and caring  for my husband's ignorance... 

 

When my husband's sister said something about how her brother loved his mother and her, I couldn't help but laugh... No longer was he the center of attention who if didn't pay attention to me, would collapse my ego. I said "Good for you" and just went away, not in jealousy but really because I didn't care.

 

I had learned one thing and that IS RESPECTING SELF... I COULDN'T BEG HIM FOR DOING BASICS FOR ME...

I HAD EVERYTHING THAT WAS NEEDED TO BE HAPPY...

 

I started prioritizing my career, took a job, and excelled in it...

I started taking care of how I looked and felt and almost started looking like I used to when I was not even married.

I started spending time with friends, watching movies I liked, reading and learning... 

 

My personality had changed completely... My boundaries were strong now...I wasn't a mess who judged her life solely on the basis of how her husband felt for me...

 

 I wasn't like this always... I was in severe depression... My expectations from marriage had been shattered. 

I got ignorance when I expected love in marriage... 

I got isolated when I had expected companionship,

I got remarks and sarcasm when I EXPECTED a new family

I got indifference when I expected care...

 

I really wanted to even not be alive. I had no self-respect left as I would always beg for love from my husband who never had it for me...

I joined iWill therapy, on the recommendation of a friend and it was in therapy that I learned to have my boundary, see myself once again as an individual. 

In therapy, I learned to expect what had already happened, getting married to a man who was indifferent to me and who unfortunately believed that he had to show me down to prove his loyalty to his family... And with this acceptance, I had to stand up for myself, love myself, stop seeking his attention as my means to prove myself that I was worth...

 

Therapy really helped me in finding myself again, in focusing on my career... my growth, my happiness, my self... And my husband and everyone were shocked to see how I had suddenly become so strong, I wasn't crying and begging for love anymore...

I am yet to decide what I do next in life... But one thing is certain, I WILL ALWAYS SEE MY LIFE AS AN INDIVIDUAL, AS A PERSON WHO IS COMPLETE, AND DEMANDS AND DESERVES RESPECT 

Shrabani Malhotra 

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