IWill

IWill 2024-01-07 05:31 - 4 minute read

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Depression broke me to a point where I started questioning my existence, it disrupted mood, my sleep, my happiness, everything!

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Depression broke me to a point where I started questioning my existence, it disrupted mood, my sleep, my happiness, everything!

I would always think I don't want to live any more.

I would always be in emotional pain, have so many things that I wanted to do but couldn't even get one done.

I would always be sad and in pain and I wanted to just all of be to over.

On days I had no energy to get up, I would sleep, dreams would feel a relief from real life.

On other days I would feel like I had no sleep and my pain would just haunt me.

I would cry for hours, feeling still the pain, no relief.

I would want to meet people but would cancel all plans

At other days, I would meet people and feel like becoming invisible...

I felt chronic sadness, pain, emptiness like THIS LIFE WAS UNREAL and that it was irredeemable.

 

I was asked to see a therapist but i felt pointless. Finally I had the courage to see someone at IWill as it was recommended and it was online.

I discovered I had severe depression, an actual clinical problem that came out of my LIFE CIRCUMSTANCES.

I first fell in love but with that love came a traumatizing family who never liked me, my openness or never could appreciate my opinions, my personality and even my life.

It was a rough three years where my husband was constantly shuffling between good husband or good son and both couldn't happen at the same time because I was so not accepted and always looked down upon.

Somehow the trauma ended but then my career had taken such a back seat. The more I tried, the more I felt out of touch. The disbelief, lack of self confidence these people had filled me with was breaking me.

I felt completely isolated and broken and lost. I starred pulling myself together but my husband also had lost a big part of his happiness ro family struggles.

We were not doing great financially, nor happy, nor satisfied and I didn't even have a family.

My therapist helped me see how pain, these feelings were not my fault and nothing to be ashamed of, but rather something where I need to show empathy for me, healing for me, love for me, happiness for me.

 

She helped me undo all the negative pain.

She helped me accept that I didn't have to fear, got nothing to prove to anyone, but only to heal me

 

She helped me back with my focus, friends and thing I really cared for and saying no and disconnecting with things that really didn't matter to me at all. I needed to be on the steering wheel of my life and not be worried or concerned with where people see me I should I have been.

She helped me with peace, happiness, being ok if i don't feel ok.

Relax, speak, unwind, go easy on self.

And with therapy, my pain starred going down, I felt need to be alive.

What wrong had I done to not have this life and it really helped me.

Within 6 months of Starting IWill therapy 

1. I joined back somethings I loved

2. I spoke with honesty

3. I cried but didn't break

4. I didn't have fear toxic people

5. I didn't fear what was to come yesterday

6. I wasn't scared of losing

7. I was scared of no one! 

 

Depression is a painful disorder and I was crippling with it. I am glad I got past all the pain and hurt and found iwill to find that the trauma can be healed, that I can be revived, that I deserve to live and I deserve to thrive.

Sumithra Sharma

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