Depression caused due to lovelessness and ignorance and pain by family was the worst for me 

IWill blogs

When i was unwell, people were laughing and eating outside. That hurt of being alone when unwell hurt differently.

I didn't have as much money as the rest so I was always made to feel less. I was compared and constantly made to realise that my contributions are less.

I was never told things, like when things would happen, I would be told after that. I felt left out, alone, aloof and isolated. 

I was constantly made to feel like I was an outsider and even my closest would ignore me.

I would feel deep, intense pain like what was wrong with me.

Constantly treating someone else special and making me feel like secondary.

Constantly displaying care for someone else and making me feel ordinary.

Never appreciating my achievements or making me feel like they too did things for me, only expecting and only telling me duties! 

I was so broken that I stopped smiling, stopped existing, I was barely breathing, going about my day wanting to be over before it started and crying many nights, all night 

I joined IWill therapy on recommendation of an ad on facebook and it was life changing for me to start sessions.

 

It was a big decision for me to invest money that I had in this to be honest and it's not a lot but for me it was, but it was the decision that transformed my life.

 

My therapist helped me to first see the good in me, yes some members of this family were making me feel alone, but I was loved by many others who I wasn't seeing.

 

She helped me see that some families have poor dynamics and just because I don't fit in their mold doesn't mean I am bad, their mold is broken to keep anything in it.

 

She helped me heal myself

She helped me stand up and focus on my goals, my work, my job and grow and whether these people appreciate it or not, grow my circle big enough to never feel the need to be validated by a few who many be are incapable of seeing me shine.

She helped me learn Assertion too and getting up from the tables where disrespect for me was the norm.

She helped me see that life was mine and I had to live it.

I had to be my best friend was no one was there to support me

She helped me heal, she would listen to everything said and done to me, empathise, cry but then rise above their power tactics. So what this was family!

Abuse was abuse and my depression was worst!

I started working really hard and I got promotion after promotion...

I made many new friends and I didn't want to know this family's secrets any more.

I made many changes to my life and in every change, I kept me. My thought space and myself first! 

If someone made a remark on me, I would never hear or listen to it, I would stand for me! And for my independence.

 

I am a changed person, now independent and not dependent on family for my happiness but depression that the people you live with and their ignorance gives you stays with people for life! 

 

 

I still am facing that trauma but I have moved enough to not anymore be broken by it.

 

Thank you IWill

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