IWill

IWill 2022-01-12 12:02 - 2 minute read

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Depression was drowning me in pain. I couldn't even breathe

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1. Every morning when I would wake up, I would have an intense discomfort, a feeling like slow-burning within me, feelings of fear, no motivation, and a strange hurt of waking up to another morning with no expectations of good things happening.

2. I would cry and feel terrible seeing myself vs others who had hurt me but were flourishing and having a great life. I was really tired to be suffering even after being a good person.

3. I wanted a miracle in life. I would always feel only that can take me out because  I had no power left in me... And my actions were not able to bring any change. I felt powerless in the whole situation and this would drain me...

4. I would feel so choked in pain sometimes, due to how people saw me, How much of a failure I had become that sometimes I would feel like the pain would drown me, the negative feelings about myself would drown me...

5. I would cry sometimes uncontrollably or get irritable on small things, fight and then cry more... It was like i was not controlling my emotions, my emotions were badly controlling me...

I joined IWill therapy... I did so because I could see my life getting from worse to worse every day and month... And I did not want to be in denial anymore...

I knew... I needed help... And WHILE IT WAS MY LIFE, BUT LOT OF IT I KNEW WAS ALSO MY MIND... I NEEDED HELP...

In therapy at IWill, my therapist first just listened to me... She didn't judge me... She didn't blame me... She listened to me patiently as much as I wanted to share... this alone helped me process a lot of my hurt, speak things that were all inside me, the judgments, the unfairness of the world.

She then helped me learn to focus away from the things that had gotten worse in life to focus now on things that could be better today, small steps in this direction. She helped me also learn to manage my emotions... 

She made me also see how courageous I had been. The good that I had stopped to see in me, she helped me see all of it... 

Therapy helped. I learn to rearrange my mind, my thoughts in a way that I can feel motivated, I can feel happy despite what had passed, had been, and situations.

THIS WAS NO LESS THAN DISCOVERING A SUPERPOWER WITHIN ME...

If you are going through chronic depression like I was, I only recommend THERAPY...

It's important to work on your mind and how it sees things right now...

THE MIRACLE IS ONLY YOU AND YOU HAVE TO MAKE IT HAPPEN...

And this can only happen if you can get the cloud of thoughts, judgments, and pain removed... Please seek help, please don't think life is over for you...

No matter how many setbacks we faced, we can rise above... I did.

Today I have a job, and that's what matters. I have started making Instagram reels and they make me happy...

I have started baking at home...

And sending this to friends around for free but the joy of doing something keeps me happy.

And even those who really hurt me, they are today really angry and upset to see how happy I AM... all the pain feels undone when I see this! 

Depression can drown in pain but therapy and support become your life jacket and save... Don't deny this help... We don't refuse to take help even for cold... This is about your life.

Tanuja Singhla 

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