Don't destroy a married woman's individuality just to PLEASE SOCIETY

IWill blogs

I was the beloved daughter of my mother and father. They loved me a lot and wanted to keep me always happy. Anything I wanted, I would get it! 

I had dreams of a career. I believed I was good, and I was going to make it big in life.

I wanted to be loved, valued, and have a beautiful life.

 

But when I got married, the painful norms of this society started to apply to me

My career ambitions would be judged and had to be always less and around the man I got married to!

My home had no place for me. What I wanted to eat, how I felt, if I had a bad day and was sad, no one noticed, no one cared what I wanted to eat! 

I wanted to be loved but I was competing with a man who had to be a better son, a better brother, a better friend over and above a better husband ALL THE TIME!

I wanted to be VALUED but no matter how much I did, EVERYONE WOULD TELL ME, BAHU KO TO ITNA KARNA HI CHAIYE, ISME KYA BARI BAAT HAI!!! 

I wanted to be happy, but ITNA MAT HASO, itna mat ghoomo, itna hukm kyu chalati, tumhe pati ke hisab se chalna hai, use tumhare hisab se nahi, WOULD BE SAID ALL THE TIME! 

 

My individuality was being taken away for the norms set by a broken societal structure that did not see the heart of a woman!
I was crying all day as my dreams were not even acknowledged.

Like I had no right to even dream like I must accept this treatment as my fate!
And all I could remember was the dreams, the love, the life MY PARENTS GAVE ME, and what I thought my life would be!
 

I was NOT okay with all this happening to me. It was breaking me, hurting me, and making me really depressed. I many times did not want to even get out of my bed! 

I joined IWill therapy!

It was my therapist at IWill who helped me stand up for myself. She helped me see that MY PARENTS WERE ALSO PART OF SOCIETY, THAT I WAS ALSO SOCIETY, and that my dreams and needs were as valid!

She helped me focus on my career, assert myself for it, and not accept that I needed to give up on my dreams!

She helped me assert and say things that were not OK, including when I was being ignored, my food needs, and more.

I also in therapy learned to get strong and no matter how hurtful it gets, I have to stop expecting GOOD from people, who will BENEFIT FROM MY PAIN.

She helped me see that custodians of society use society to maintain THEIR POWER AT HOME, TO MAINTAIN THEIR CONTROL! And they will never change... I will have to learn to ASSERT! 

Today I am focused at my career, and my life, I am building a home for myself where I have my space.

My husband and I are currently living separately! I don't know if he would accept my individuality ever!

But I don't worry about it any longer...I am no longer going to destroy MY individuality for THESE prejudices... I am no longer ok with LIFE-LONG ABUSE in the name of a relationship!

 

I am happy being an independent woman with IDENTITY! And that is most important for me! I wanted to share that society takes away the individuality of a woman and it can break her. This happened to me and finally, I am out of this pain! 

Akanksha Sharma

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