IWill 2021-09-11 08:28 - 4 minute read

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Don't marry someone if you are so controlled by others 

IWill user

I faced the worst depression after marriage. this was because all my dreams of companionship were broken.  I was expected to make it work with my partner who was completely controlled by others. 

Our initial days were good and we liked each other... Maybe this made others around insecure or just plain intrusive... They raised their reservations on how my partner was ignoring others for me, was not being there for the family, was being controlled. that they were the ones who did everything, that others had more supportive and understanding partners while I was really very demanding and not considerate for them, and that anything that I did for them wasn't enough... 


And they started believing all of this...

It wa so easy for others to make them triggered and upset with me... They started ignoring me... Started giving others a lot of time.. Would always feel like I was attacking their freedom, if I asked them to do something, would compare me to other people with who my personality never matched! 


I was really tired and broken. 

I was ignored to please others.

I was compared to people not from the same background and life as me and was always made to look like I wasn't doing enough.

I was always the bad one for being myself as others said that this was bad...

I was literally stuck, missing my family, stuck in a relationship where there was no respect for me, where the person didn't have the power to stand for me or even love me for who I was..

I was beyond depressed and I joined iwill therapy... I was so directionless that I needed someone to help me...

It was in therapy that the therapist at IWill first helped me stand up for myself, to say things that were bothering me. to not measure my self worth basis even my partner, to not see this behavior as my responsibility or something that had happened permanently 


She helped me to stand for myself... And then sometimes later my partner joined therapy too..

And in couple therapy, a therapist at IWill helped my partner see how they were controlled by others when it came to me... Their love for me shouldn't have been controlled or its expression basis how others felt. It wasn't fair on me or this relationship... other people who had control issues, that needed to be fixed, not breaking our dynamics..

She helped my partner understand that if I judged them all the time basis the kind of spouses I had seen in my family or people much different than them, would it feel ok if I judged them?

If I started seeing how they were complete as my family wanted me to see.

And yes change started to happen, they started to see it was not ok for them to be treating me like this, making me so ignored...I am glad things worked out for me... But I still believe if you can't give your partner love, if you are so controlled, don't marry!


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