Dont expect your wife to become a puppet of family. She has her identity
But see this is where the problem is:
1. She shouldn’t work late hours because others find it’s not ok. Even though she is ambitious, she always wanted this, she shouldn’t because that doesn’t fit what a daughter in law in your home can do.
Imagine if you had to sacrifice your ambitions and imagine your wife or her family behind this? It’s unfair. This needs to stop.
2. She shouldn’t expect that you love her or pay attention or spend time with her. Why because that’s how it happens. But May I question why? If she is your wife, if not her, who should spend time with you? You guys are in a sacrosanct social relationship for life! She can’t be ok with this. You shouldn’t be ok too!
3. She should always be on alert. She would be judged for who she is. She would be expected to change her happy side, her voice so that she can just become a yes person. Yes adjustments are needed but more than that, in a family love is needed! And acceptance is needed and being happy for the happiness of your family member, that’s the first thing!
She is a family member, not someone who has applied for a job and needs to prove and that too on goals and points that change each day just basis some conservative old age thoughts!
This was me and my husband in IWill therapy in one of the advanced sessions we were having. Here what was happening was a free and open speak on problematic behaviours and issues I was facing! It was evident I couldn’t be a puppet. Yes I had to love, and love like a family to everyone but I also needed a family , love to do that!
Glad we signed up for iwill therapy. Glad things never said are being said. Glad I didn’t have to waste 10-15 years of my life like others struggling with this!