Emotional abuse by a partner/husband is a big deal. I was not overreacting!

IWill Blogs

 

Emotional abuse causes someone pain and hurt emotionally. It's causing someone almost intentional hurt that can affect their mood, their thoughts about themselves, their lives and their ability to do things and feel happiness.

I was going through deep emotional abuse. My husband who pretended to be the best person in front of everyone, was so emotionally difficult for me in private.

 He would always criticise me for one or the other thing that I did

I couldn't touch his hair. He would get angry on me if I did it. And he would Attack me for this

He would make small remarks, sometimes on my weight. Sometimes on my hair, sometimes on how I ate or behaved, or my maths, or my work

 Always ignoring me when his family was around, always making me feel like I was there forced an extra in his life

He would sometimes imitate me or speak so loudly, or say words that would break me.

He would take part in my plans but then blame me that he lost this and that, work, and other things because of it. He would enjoy, and yet later pretend as though he had lost big things and was very unhappy

He would give me time when he had it. And when around others, he would talk so politely, he would say nice things. He would laugh and smile and accompany me to places.

Every time I tried to tell anyone that he criticizes me or makes me feel bad for giving me time, everyone would blame me

 His behavior would confuse me

 He would agree to spend time, be around, do things, enjoy, and then constantly blame me for it

And he would always attack me, even if I had panic attack while he is talking bad things and saying things are damn hurtful.

I was so scared of my arguments with him because he would go to any lengths to make me feel vulnerable, broken, and all fallen apart in that state

I had developed a lot of unhappiness. I loved him and his constant presence, I was now addicted to

But I also was unhappy, I was underconfident, I always felt guilty, I always felt that my pain and grief could never be shared. I felt like I had no right to be sad when around him because he was only good with me when I was happy with him.

I was always sad, always depressed, devoid of self-confidence

 I was so confused since he did everything for me.. I felt sometimes that I was wrong But then my pain was real

I joined IWill therapy

 And here my IWill therapist for the first time validated me and my emotions

She helped me understand that what's happening with me is that anything that he does for me, later, he makes it look like it was bad, thereby pushing any negative outcomes on me

And also pushing me into guilt that because of me, he is unhappy or not being his best version

 And then anger and a lack of Emotional Sharing can break anyone. What I was experiencing was invalidation, ignorance, and constant emotional loneliness

And that was breaking me. It was making me insecure and always emotionally unloved and loved only in ways my husband thought were ok, while it was not.  If you are going through what I have been through, seek IWill therapy, heal, and talk to people who will understand you!

Rimjhim Gupta

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