Encouraging your son's toxic masculinity comes back to haunt you. I can confirm as a mother who faced how much it affected our family

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She is your wife. She should not be speaking and telling you what should be doing.

You should be with your friends. Who is your wife to tell you not to go on weekend trips

She can't be going to her home every now and then. And why should you accompany her? It doesn't happen in our homes.

Why should you take care of the house or cook or take care of kids? That's her job. Let her do it.

This was us telling our son to be an absent husband while our daughter in law was as deserving, educated and needing good life.

More than anyone it was me and my own children and some relatives who would do this to our son. I think it was insecurity of losing control over him or jealousy or not liking a new person and her ways, whatever it was, it dragged eventually my daughter in law in pain and emotional health issues, loneliness.

I know she was in therapy at IWill three years ago and and was divorced from our son.

It took has some courage for me to write this blog and at the very platform that helped heal my daughter in law. 

 

My son and feeding that toxic side of anyone, comes back to you.

As I get old, he is not there to take care of us.

He is always unhappy and bitter with me and with friends. His pain, his emptiness and his uncontrolled temperament is for us to face.

His work is mess and he is selfish and doesn't care for us.

 

He gives us similar arguments and even blames me for everything that went wrong in his life. Could be that he is right.

But somehow the pain, the mess we are all in is because we didn't allow my son to become a partner, a care giver, a person who values his own spouse and it's falling back on me

I have started taking help at IWill

 I needed some sessions as pain, his rage, his upset behavior, his unavailability is unbearable and guilt that my daughter in law went through the same is high. But therapy works, I spoke to my daughter in law and I apologised. The biggest happiness came from knowing she is happy and working. I wish her all the success in this world.

Don't let your son turn into a toxic masculine to put your daughter in law down or even feed to the toxic side of any human being. It ultimately comes to haunt you and the person.

 

Once again thanks to IWill for the noble healers, transformations you make happen. 

 

S. DHINGRA