IWill

IWill 2023-11-27 04:23 - 2 minute read

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Everything appeared meaningless, the only thing that described my life then was meaningless. I had been hurt, broken and lonely.

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Why should I go to work? What would change? I don't feel like doing anything?

Why am I even here? Why do I have a family? Am i really here?

Why did the day start? Why is the day ending? Where life is heading?

Why have I been so unloved, treated poorly.

Why have I been so week, so letting emotional things to get on my nerve and damage my work.

I had reached to my lowest low where whole day I would be just grappling with the fatigue, the pain of being so hurt and pain of being stuck with so many problems with no solutions.

I had been through a lot of toxic abuse and it was largely from a 

Family where I wasn't accepted, where I was initially and even after many days made to feel like I didn't exist or that I was worthless. I was so broken and so naive that it took me many years to feel any better or even myself.

 

I had lost a lot on work and it was tough to catch up. Nothing was moving in time and then other problems started coming, my family and parents' health, my own health, financial mistakes happening just because I was careless and so down.

 

Before I realised, each Part of my life had only unhappiness. And the toxicity continued. For I had become used to being treated poorly.

I realised I felt life had no meaning

I felt no energy.

I always wanted to sleep and when I would wake up, I would feel even more miserable for letting go of more time.

I was beyond redemption and felt like a complete waste, loser.

I joined IWill therapy and first thing my therapist helped me do is to take a pause and find meaning within me, no mad race as of now, no chasing for others, no showing how good or bad I can be, just accepting, appreciating and building confidence in myself.

She worked with me on helping me see how my life had meaning because of ME. Because my life was real. She helped me see how people love me,I needed to pause, reflect, do things that make me happy and healed at this point.

She then helped me take baby steps in improving my career and not break myself for continuing problems each day. What came in so many years wouldn't vanish away in days. I had to give myself time and opportunity. She then helped me to look beyond my pain, and slowly start showing up, small things each day.

She also helped me assert to people who had been mistreating me and allowed me a space to cry, let all of that pain out, just let all of the hurt .

I started seeing meaning in me. I started looking beyond pain to possibilities. I wasn't afraid to cry or feel miserable. I wasn't afraid to feel sad or lonely. Those were human emotions. I was embracing myself. I was looking out for myself. 

 

And i found meaning back again in my life. I started feeling happy again, capable again, but never wanting to not exist.

If you are feeling life is meaningless, it could be coming from space of trauma, of coming from space of hurt, seek help, don't let trauma convince you life is unpleasant, it's the pain, it's the toxicity. That needs to go away.

Seek therapy at IWill. I assure you it does heal and help to find yourself again. Link to app is below 

AASHIMA GUPTA 

Book & Start IWill Therapy Now Online On Play Store App Store

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