Grief is worst pain in the world. Losing a loved one is like losing a part of self! Must read

IWill blogs

Struggle to do everything to not lose your loved one

I went to the hospitals, I stayed day and day out on a mission to save my loved one.

I prayed all day and night and did everything that everyone said so that my loved one could be saved.

I lived in fear 24*7 of losing them but I prayed, I spoke positive, I cried but wiped my tears off.

I forgot like if there was anything else existing in this world. I gave my all to save my loved one!


Losing

But one day, they just said they won’t make it... that it’s just not possible to save them. That no one can do anything ahead of “god’s will”.

God’s will? How could God decide to take away the meaning of life and happiness from me, what had my loved one done to die so suddenly, and get so unwell suddenly, will I never see them walking again? Will they go missing forever? And I am not even allowed to complain against it! What is this?
I crashed with pain...

Life immediately after losing them
I just had so much denial.... I just couldn’t accept they could go...
I just had nothing left in me... I had become totally empty and broken...
Words fall short to describe how losing a loved one feels.
Someone you run to when there is no one, is no more there.
Someone you see and get Hope from is not there

Someone who cheers you up even when there is the slightest of pain is no more there.
They are not just there without who you had no life ever... they were what living meant to you.

You break and you just break.
Words of Hope sound so alien and so superficial

I just had practically no life for many months.
I just cried and missed them.
I just felt miserable and broken!
I just felt unreal pain...
 

Recovering
Someone in my family booked IWill therapy for me... I didn’t want to talk to anyone.

For a few sessions, I was just not able to focus, they used to speak to me, I would remember my loved one, cry and feel more empty...

After a few sessions, they started helping me come to terms with reality. People who were still here existed... life with them was going on too but now without any hope or any responsibility from my side...
I existed and life would pass anyway, but where I was, it would bring new sets of problems for me.
Therapist helped me see how my loved one was living through me. 
She helped me find ways to in a day to involve myself in work, she helped me find ways to do good and to make understand of my larger purpose.
She helped me find ways to express myself, channel my hurt and pain creatively too, and do more for loved ones that are still here.

She helped me go through each stage of grief so that my emotions are settled and while the pain will remain there forever, I could co-exist, grow and become more myself through the pain
 

Today
I love my family that is still with me.
I focus on my career and give it my all to make my loved ones even prouder
I focus on doing good, smiling, and living today, not in fear but in gratitude to have gotten the loved one I did...
I owe a good life to myself and to them... I am glad I had my therapist to who I could unbox my hurt to and I do that even today when I feel overwhelmed!
I miss my loved ones but I have made peace with their physical absence and have learned to keep them alive in me!
 

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