IWill

IWill 2022-07-30 03:07 - 4 minute read

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Have you not taught anything to your daughter? My response yes, i have, taught her to value her self & stand against abuse. 

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My daughter's new family called me and asked me,

"We thought you had given her great values. She is a nice person, no doubt, but she has less seriousness, she doesn't understand what being a daughter in law means..She wants to be as though she is unmarried still"

To which I replied, I had taught her that she would be loved. I had taught her that she would be cared for and she needs to care. Yes to that extent, didn't teach her that her home after marriage would be less of a home.

"But she cries and is not able to make the home happy. We all are so stressed and unable to relax due to the atmosphere of the home"

"Oh she cries a lot and she is being blamed? This is new for me. I would think if your daughter cries day and night, you would lose your sleep until she feels better. Rather than thinking why a young girl is crying so much, you are thinking she should adjust. People adjust to love, not to the lack of it. You are right, I didn't teach my daughter to be sorry or ashamed of her own tears.

"That day, a relative said something to her about her weight and her being nor at home till evening due to her career and how I need her to take care of me now and that she should make better decisions, she replied back to the relative, that i work because I am educated like my husband. Working is my individuality and please don't remark on my weight.". She should have respected and kept quiet, i was shocked..

To this i said, I am shocked at your expectation for her to just listen to casual sarcasms, insults and judgements, casual discouragement of her career and aspirations, and she should let it happen to her.

I am sorry but I have taught something to my daughter and that something is standing for self. And I am OK being a bad mother in everyone's eyes as long as I am not expecting my daughter to break down to prove I am good enough in my teachings by your standard.

My daughter was married to her long time love, they both studied together, and were very happy but after marriage, all empathy in her new family had gone for my daughter. 

Attacks on her appearance, on her laugh, on her need to be with her husband, of her belief that she is equal, on her feelings that she needs love and space.

She was discriminated against and expected to not focus on work now, entertain egos, stay away from husband, not have an independent life. There were always attempts to make her feel less and expectation that this had to be absolutely fine with her.

She started breaking, she was in therapy at IWill for the longest possible time. And finally she has started focusinh on herself again, she is asserting, working for her career and standing for her respect, and no she is not insulting anybody, she is just not taking abuse sitting down. And I am proud of her.

And because I support her for happiness, questions are being raised on me too, how I am a bad mother?

Yes I am happy being a bad mother, by your standards but I won't allow my daughter to lose herself. I became a mother for my child, to protect her happiness, not to let the world abuse her in name of society .

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