IWill 2022-04-24 10:57 - 4 minute read

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Health anxiety struggle is real. I have reasons why this fear looks so real and completely holds me

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My Health Anxiety Ordeal

Yes I used to fear that I may have a severe illness
Yes I would jump from one illness to the other
Yes, I would feel always on the edge and always like I was passing out.
Yes, I couldn’t work, relax, feel well...
Yes I would chronically check for symptoms myself and ask others around too!
Yes people around me were tired of me!
Yes, I would sometimes continue going to doctors and sometimes just avoid the fear that I have an illness... and this cycle was always there and I felt always stuck in either of the two...


Reasons why it all started

But no this wasn’t my fault...
I had a condition called health anxiety disorder...
and why I developed it, is also a genuine concern...
there was a period in my life when one of my loved ones was going through a severe and sudden illness and we feared even the worst with them... my loved one made it but the suddenness of their illness, the sheer disruption of this illness got, broke us all...
At the same time, I started having some symptoms... they were due to a problem.. which wasn’t too small but wasn’t fatal too... but it disrupted me a lot.
That’s the day when things go awry... I always felt unwell. I always felt like I didn’t have enough good health or time by side..
I always felt like everything was going slipping away...
I would never well from inside...


I wanted to break this cycle

I was torturing myself.
By obsessing and jumping from one illness to another, I was breaking myself.
My normal life was gone... I only was constantly scanning my body or thinking about it. I was never in the present.
I would be feeling so broken inside, imagining hospital scenes, sick health, and more...

Therapy at IWill
After a lot of convincing myself, I decided I’ll start therapy at IWill.
I had a problem and I needed to fix it.
Yes, I had some illnesses but imagining cancer the whole day or worrying about a heart attack or a stroke was just not right and was putting me, my family, and even doctors in discomfort.

In therapy at IWill, therapist helped me see how I had lived a healthy life.
How even with this illness of my loved ones, they are fine.
How despite so many tests on me, what has been found out are only small health issues.
She helped me come close to and accept that the trauma and fear of health issues had to go.
She helped me get the fear out and expose me and help me take tests that I needed to.
She helped me come out of my body and its symptoms, get comfortable once again with the rhythms of my body, and not be alarmed when the slightest of things looks different.
She helped me learn to calm my body, and my actions when in panic.
She helped me learn to give myself a time out.
Also, she helped me stop behaviors like google search, talking about illnesses, preoccupation with health, and change it with behaviors that are beneficial.

My mental state and life today

Through therapy she helped me believe my body once again...
She helped me overcome the fear

It’s been 2 years I haven’t obsessed over an illness.
It’s been 2 years of very less infections and health issues for me!
It’s been 2 years of not waking up or sleeping in panic
It’s been 2 years without the Google search
It’s been 2 years of freedom and a good mental state!
Health anxiety is never ok! If you are dealing with it, get past it!

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