IWill 2022-05-27 11:17 - 4 minute read

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How to manage chronic sadness and feelings of being a nobody 

IWill user

I had thought in my childhood that I would be most successful person in my life. I had so many dreams of being purposeful, of making people around me proud, of being happy... 


But life was so tough and different for me. I couldn’t become successful. I had emotional issues with my family. I tried succeeding but one or the other problems came in between and I just kept getting more and more away from my goals, from my happiness. 


The more I got rejected in life, the more sensitive, hurt and self hating I became. 


I would look at other people who had success in life and I would feel completely worthless. 

People who cheated me, who had been negative to me, who had been my abuser, who had been rude to me, were all happy. They had everything and I would feel more hurt as to why was I punished. 


How would feel insulted and also, as though ditching me was the right thing someone did!


I had chronic sadness.

Every morning, when I woke up, I felt purposeless, I felt burn in my heart, I felt completely broken and not worthy. 

I didn’t want to live. I felt so wasted like I had no need to be alive. Like I wasn’t making anything around me happen!


And it had been worsening and increasing over the years... 

If I looked at my life, it looked so unsuccessful and meaningless to me... grappling with these thoughts, I joined IWill therapy...

I didn’t know how will this help but I had heard that if you have depression and no matter how bad your life may be, therapy can still help. 

The therapist at IWill helped me see that I had always criticized myself way too much. Ok, life may not have been what I had dreamt till now, but it didn’t mean, my life was useless, I had respect. I had happiness. I had done work despite challenges, I had withered the storm!

She also helped me see how cunning people keep themselves as focus and that is why they win. 


And here I was, always ignoring my needs or due to emotional hurt, letting go of things that needed to be done.... the reason I had so much pain, is because I didn’t heal myself and continued in that pain, which led me away from doing things I should have done! 

The therapist also helped me manage my painful thoughts about myself, and my inability to get up in the morning and plan my day. All of this was depression. 

She helped me feel the dignity. She helped me envision a future that could be different and that I could make. 

She helped me make changes to myself, my routine, my feelings, and my thoughts about myself. My assumptions on what all needed to happen in my life... and this helped...

Despite my life not changing dramatically, my feelings about self changed... I started feeling like I had power. I didn’t feel like I should be dead... why did I deserve not to live, why did my life not have meaning just because some things happened. 

I got in touch with my intrinsic value and felt I am my everything even if the world sees me as a nobody today! 

I am glad I started therapy and making changes in my life... my life matters 

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