IWill

IWill 2021-01-31 11:45 - 2 minute read

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Husband could see he never balanced between me & family. He only ignored me

IWill user

 

She wants I shouldn’t even go and five weekends to my family... I am whole week with her...

Sure therapist at iwill said, sure you are... however we have to see what you guys do together in this time. She takes care of your things, cook, work and sort things out for you, while you focus on work... how is this time together? For your wife this is duty... where is the “we” time in this and so this comparison, this denial of your quality time is problematic.


I need to show them, I am still theirs...

And how will that shown by showing that you are not hers. to take her time and keep denying her the love, by showing her at every step she is less , say she cooks less, deserves less, to give comfort to others...you are not showing your loyalty to anyone in this way. You are only belittling your own spouse at-least in perception...

I need to show I am still their for my parents, my family is still this..

And this when your wife as a family too, to which you belong too. Giving respect, time and love to your wife’s parents who are your elders and parents too now is not taking away respect of your parents, rather it shows her emotions, your wife’s love matters too.

In all that you shared in these sessions up until this point, it’s not a balance that exists. It’s an imbalance

Of duties from one side and no love from the other..
Of expectations of full dedication from her side and lack of recognition of her needs!
Of need to please family at the expense of the happiness of your wife; who by the way is family too!


This was me and my wife in Iwilltherapy; the idea of being in therapy I wasn’t open to! But therapy changed so many things in me. I could see how I had not been there for my wife, how due to conditioning, her slightest need would look like her way of controlling me . Through the process of therapy; I realised , I had never balanced anything!

And today when I get it I am ready to change. I am ready to come out of this need to balance in a way that breaks or isolates my wife.

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