IWill 2022-05-04 05:08 - 2 minute read

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I am a wife first and that makes me a daughter-in-law. I need love and respect first!

Akanksha Shekhawat

What they expected me to do

1. To show that I don’t need love. I am here to just serve
2. I am most educated but I put it to use in ways my in-laws feel ok
3. I should do day and night for my husband’s family, pamper everyone and continue to do so at my expense
4. I should not expect love, should be ok with causal comparisons, should laugh and nod when someone says my husband will never be mine and he would always treat me second to his mom and I should feel excited and full of happiness and zest about this

5. But I should never give as much importance to my parents or my friends, my husband and his family should become my small world
6. I should be fine with casual attacks on me from my husband’s family
7. I should say yes to everything, be there to take care of others, listen to others with interest and that should be my source of feeling like a “family”

What this led me to

This absolutely toxic behavior riding on previous decades broke me down.
I loved my husband and he loved me.

This need to now not have his love, to be a daughter in law but not someone’s wife was so bizarre! And it was emptying me...
I was so pampered and to be suddenly because of my marriage being reduced to someone with no importance was not acceptable

I and my husband joined IWill’s couple therapy.

Seriously it helped me and most importantly it helped my husband see that what was being asked was a denial of our relationship and my existence in his home for other things, for tasks, for having babies, as though I am a transaction!

He could see how painful it was to be me. How painful and needless were these daily comparisons and rather than making me insecure in a new place, everyone needed to make me feel at home, if not others then surely him.

Things have changed a lot for me!

And I have completely refused and
1. I am not ok with taking sarcasm. Abusing me is not funny.
2. I am not ok with pampering others without getting similar attention from others
3. I am not ok and will not feel proud of conversations that make me feel like an outsider in comparison to someone else. I am his wife and I better get my place in his life!
4. I am not ok with putting my education and my dreams to 0

I wont be a daughter in law before you accept me as a son's wife and an individual 

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