I am just so tired of being hurt. I don’t have the stamina anymore

IWill blogs

I am not the smartest person when it comes to me.

1. I always gave others’ issues more importance.
When I was young it was my siblings, my friends, and then my life partner trying to have their attention and everyone else.
I was always hurt because of this.
I would let go of my goals, my happiness and others would hurt me at the first instance... everyone around looked so selfish.

2. Another big problem I have had since a very early age is, that when I am in pain or hurt, I cannot come out of it... the pain just completely cripples me.
I keep crying. I would have a puffy face. I would feel helpless. I would feel restless and I would know that I should start, I should do something else for myself but I had been always unable to

3. Another problem I had was, the person who hurt me, I would want him or her to realize. To get their attention on my hurt, I would further ignore my needs. So that they show me empathy... I would just cry, get more pained and hurt, just to let them know how helpless I was.

*I had lost so much in life. I was always tired. Only emotionally exhausted... incapable *

I had really lost my career, my life, my happiness.

I was happy but only in shots. Overall my life was on a negative slippery slope, sliding from one point below to the other...

A friend recommended iwill therapy...
I didn’t know if even therapy could help me. As I would slip back to normal but over a period of time, I had been on this roller coaster.

I took IWill therapy and it was in therapy that the therapist diagnosed me with BPD.

It’s aborderline personality disorder that makes a person feel a lot, have a lot of mood swings, fear of losing people, and an unstable image of self. All of this combined makes a person do things out of fear, pain, emotional uncertainty. And it completely makes them unsettled
 

My therapist helped me slowly to speak my fears out and get ok with uncertainty. She helped me focus on myself. She helped me learn to be ok dealing better with pain. She helped me not fear and keep myself locked in hurt just to get empathy from others.  I was important too. I was not so dependent that I had no independent place.

She helped me see that I don't have to show it to the world that I am really sad and for doing that harm myself emotionally more. As this was breaking me and I was losing myself.

She then helped me learn to not let others’ hurt break me. She helped me with learning distracting techniques. She helped me to focus on my career and take steps to make a change in my life.

Today I don’t cry endlessly when others hurt me.
I keep going with my work.
I have gained tremendous strength and I have really made progress in my career and personal life.

I preserve my stamina. I preserve my mental health. I preserve myself. I am glad I took therapy. I was suffering like a child. I needed handholding & healing.

And I am glad I no longer live in fear, act in fear, and stay miserable

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