I am not jealous but it is painful to see that toxic people who destroyed you are happy and excelling. What I did to get past this pain

IWill blogs

I was facing a lot of pain lately.

I had been through a lot of toxic abuse, betrayal, insults and hurt by a person.

When around me, they had just one thing to do and that was make me feel inadequate as a person, always have these mixed vibes, sometimes acting like they really liked me especially privately but in public, and around people they would attack me.

This was always something that would happen. I was also isolated so much that I would do everything they want. Their abuse was toxic. 

 

The person was also always demeaning me and making me feel like I was less, One day I decided to speak for myself and within no time they left me.

I was shocked how easily they left me. They had made me empty, never contributed to my happiness and one time I stood up for myself, they left.

 

I was in depression for very long because of them. And in the same time, I would keep getting information on how good they were doing now. They had another relationship, a lot of career growth and money. And most people that were our common friends left me for them.

I was so jealous and in tbe same time so confused. Was I wrong? Why am I so unhappy? May be I deserved it? May be I just can't be successful? These thoughts would break me as did this feeling of pain.

 

I would cry, I would feel hurt.... I would feel angry for how they were getting so many nice things after what they did to me. After their cheating.

 

I joined IWill therapy as I wanted to make sense of these thoughts that I was having. I wanted some peace. Someone to tell me i am not as worthless as my mind made me feel.

It was in therapy that my therapist helped me see that being successful and being good human being are often times two different things. 

The person who had done this to me prioritise themselves and their happiness as priority. They took actions in that direction and hence were getting success.

She also acknowledged that it was totally normal and human for me to feel the hurt with seeing this person's success. It's difficult for anyone to accept that the person who wronged you is gaining success in life.

But she helped me see that i had to get out of what they were doing as they and their presence had damaged me enough.

It was not possible for me to influence what life they could have but it was only possible to prioritise myself, not taking toxic abuse anymore.

She helped me focus on my life, on working to make happiness for me.

She helped me overcome the need to check in on those who had hurt me and how they were doing nor pay attention to anyone who tries to remind how poorly I am doing now in comparison to them.

Within a year, I was In a place that was happier. I was working for my success. I was less concerned with this person or anyone's life. If a thought of comparison would occur, I would remind myself of the things therapist helped me with, of letting life take its own course, of biggest revenge to this toxic person or anyone else who had hurt me was indifference and making them insignificant in my life.

I am no longer burning with pain.

I am focussing on my career. I just had such small milestone achievement.

I am working to prioritise my growth, my self esteem, I assert for myself and not let anyone break me any longer. 

I no longer allow people to benefit at my expense.

Karma will one day hit the toxic people. But I don't wait for that anymore... I can only make myself happy and I am doing everything to achieve all that I deserve and a life better than my dreams.

S. Sharma 

 

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