IWill 2022-06-06 10:46 - 4 minute read

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I am not mad. I have anxiety. I need dignity and the right understanding! Enough

Shubhitha Nair

The labels

Oh, you are just so panicky, always so scared...
what is wrong with you. Are you mad? Why are you thinking about all the worst things and acting so weird?

You are just so impossible. You are so unpredictable.
You drain me.
Stop acting so problematic!

This and more would be said to me... I was labeled because I had anxiety disorder...

My home had 0 understanding or empathy for mental health issues!

I had excessive fear, constant worrying, always had a feeling worst would happen to me, I would stress on health, I would be anxious for others, I would always think people are thinking negatively about me... and more...

But I wasn’t mad... I wasn’t unpredictable! I had gone through a lot

Seeing one of my closest person have a health issue, being treated poorly in a relationship I thought I would get only happiness in, being bullied by partners’ relatives and made fun of, being isolated, and those attacks that would come.

Losing work opportunities because of these issues and then not being able to perform because of trauma, having seen some bad incidences around, all of this happening all at once or in a short span of time, made me have thoughts and beliefs that my life was tough, that negative would happen, if I would hear something wrong happening with someone else, I would imagine this on myself.
My life was still not all that great and whenever things would get better,

I would be so exhausted that I needed a break, leading to change for good and more emotional pain, more fear, more inability to do things, more escape and more avoidance or running away...

This was the anxiety setting in

I would feel like I was hanging from a cliff, ready to fall of anytime in life.
I would feel always a hostage of fear, of negative potential things that may happen and destroy me further!
I would avoid work because I would imagine making a fool out of myself!

While I was hurting so much, the labels, the name calling would only break me further...

I joined IWill therapy on my own.

In therapy my therapist helped me challenge my thoughts, and help me make the right steps despite fear, she supported me in a way that I could sustain the necessary changes needed to come out of anxiety. She always had empathy, she would listen to me, never think I was mad, and there was dignity, warmth, and solution in our conversations.

She also helped me manage my anxiety physically, build tolerance for uncertainty and not avoid the right things that needed to be done! She helped me also see how in the past, I had control of my situation and I was too scared or couldn’t assert to take the right action. Had I taken that for myself, outcomes could have been different! And most of the things I was fearful of, never happened!

I just suffered a lot and lost precious time and also my health! She helped me control, take charge and ultimately end my fear cycle!

I learned to assert, to speak, to claim my dignity.

I am not mad, I made it clear no one can speak so wrongly about me! I decided to write a blog too because I feel many others go through this insult on a daily basis for a condition that breaks them, that they have no control in!

Enough of this shaming! Anxiety needs  Cure, care, and comfort! No labels and lack of empathy!

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