I am ok being alone but not OK being emotionally broken and invisible  

IWill blogs

Difference between being Alone and Lonely

When you are alone in a room you have no one to expect from. But when you are around people and you are unwell, your pain increases emotionally just to witness that no one cares for your failing health despite they being there and seeing you in this pain.

When you are alone in a room and no one is there to talk to you, it can feel empty but when you are lonely in a room full of people who are talking amongst each other but intentionally ignoring you, it can break your heart into million pieces  

- When you are alone in life, it's ok. When you are with people and you still feel like no one is there for you, it can destroy your self-worth.

- When you are alone in managing your finances and fulfilling your desires, it's different but when you have someone who you thought would take care of you, be there for you, and provide you with comfort and luxuries and they ignore your needs in the name of pleasing others, it breaks you!

 

I was in a family where there was no love for me. 

I was in a family where my success or my things didn't matter. I would be sitting there completely alone!
I was not treated like I was their own. I was treated like an outsider. 

It was so hurtful to be there and not be seen.

I was always different. I wanted to help others, I wanted to do good work. I was ambitious but in different ways. I was not part of talking bad about others. I was also someone who liked to keep myself at peace. But my family was different. A family of highly ambitious people, socially driven and wanting to show the world how good they were! 

They started isolating me... They stopped involving me in discussions or talking to me... It was like I was punished for being different. 

 

I developed a lot of emotional pain. 

I would cry in the night and not want to get up in the morning from my bed.

I was losing motivation to do anything because my views and my ambitions were constantly mocked. 

I was lonely and it was hurtful!
I could see everyone else in my family being proud of each other... While I didnt exist for them and that was so painful!

 

The worst of this was that at one point I started questioning my need, my existence, my life!

I joined IWill therapy as I was scrolling through instagram and saw one of their reels. 

The therapist at IWill helped me tremendously. 

She helped me first learn to appreciate myself and who I was.

She helped me see that many great achievers in this world, many good people are totally different from their surroundings and that it wasnt a flaw. 

Next she helped me build myself up. She helped me focus on my wellbeing, my self-care, career and life. 

My therapist at IWill also helped me connect with people who valued me, my friends, some people within my surroundings who understood me! 

She helped me find a way to look at myself through other lenses, through other people outside my own surroundings...

 

I was in therapy for 5 months. 

I am working in an NGO now and doing what makes me happy. 

I am at peace with myself and have people in my circle who value me, who want to listen to my views and not brush them aside. 

I spend time with myself. 

I am neither alone, nor Lonely anymore! 

I feel seen and I am visible!
 

Shrishti Jaiswal 

If you are dealing with pain, a life that feels stuck, or one where you are not able to be your best version, if there is discord and hurt and pain in relationships thats breaking you, seek IWill therapy., Sessions are online and with the best and most empathic and experienced therapists in India. For booking and starting your sessions, download the app from link below and start therapy journey today