I can adjust to anything in marriage but not lack of love & respect. Period 

IWill blogs

Rohan and I, Nalini, were in IWill therapy... I was super upset since my marriage, isolated, lonely, depressed, and very let down...

Rohan in the 3rd or 4th session asked our therapist a question... 

 

Mam, what does Nalini Want... I love her but every woman has to adjust in marriage, why is she so upset?

 

To this the iWill therapist said, 

You are right adjustments and compromises make any marriage successful.

But the question is adjust to what Rohan?

 

She can adjust to you being a different person, adjust to your personality, something you may not like, and you bargain and make compromises to make the marriage work.

She can adjust to ups and downs, stressors, happy times, and worst times and not leave you alone in these as you won't leave her...

But how can you expect her to adjust to a lack of love and respect?

What was the premise of this relationship? 

 

The premise of this relationship was you being there with her, you being a PARTNER. You take care of her, being there for her, , filling the void that is there in her life as she has left her home and is with you...

That is the basic Rohan!

 

When you avoid her,  when your family asks you to, saying that this is what happens, you are breaking the premise of the promise of marriage.

Sometimes remarks on her career priorities, sometimes on how she laughs and what she likes, how she is with you, that's hurtful! 

She cannot change herself as a person... She needs to be accepted for who she is, respected and you need to stand with her through that... 

 

Nalini is so hurt and upset, not because she can't adjust as a wife, she is upset because she cant adjust to not being herself!
 

I am glad the therapist at IWill said it... This is exactly what had been hurting me... Adjustment is not to lack of love...

Adjustment is not lack of respect, freedom to be...

 

This is what has hurt me... Rohan is listening and understanding and also changing... I can adjust any way with him but not without love and happiness period!

I am sure therapy will heal our relationship and me... But it's sad that such definitions of adjustment still exist in our society!

 

I hope that changes!
Nalini Garg