I can't live with an abusive husband anymore. My life and my emotions are important too 

Shikha Gupta

He would yell at me when his own self-esteem was down due to anything, sometimes work, sometimes his family, sometimes his own mood.

He would act like he cares for me but then would make fun of me, or make me feel less on normal things like how I laughed, how I spoke to others, my self-expression and my presence.

He would give me money and then criticize or make me feel less for how I spent it. Always making me feel like I was spending too much. 

He would give his family importance. Always show how he loves his family more and how I was just there, less than everyone else in his family. 

When it came to physical love, he would also do it when he needed it, not caring too much for my needs or how I felt about it.

I had become so unhappy, so insecure after marriage.

My self confidence in spending, in who I was, in my personality was systematically getting broken

I was so alone in his setup. 

I tried talking to him, I tried impressing him , I tried making him happy but it was always a waste of effort.

I was beyond depressed. I was always scared to not annoy him. I was always scared to not make him feel something that he couldn't take.

I joined IWill therapy sessions as I was getting incapable of dealing with my emotional pain. It was adding up each day with his behavior and with my expectations breaking more and more.

It was here that my therapist at IWill helped me see who I was again. She encouraged me to share my opinions, share my feelings. She helped me remind me of my talents and what I wanted to be.

She helped me get back to some of my social circles. She helped me see my intrinsic worth and would also encourage me to spend time with my family, be around people who needed me as much! 

She also helped me see that I needed to assert and have a sense of self that is non-shakeable! 

 

As I progressed in therapy, as I started doing things my way, reconnecting with the person I was, the more I realised that I couldn't and didn't want to be a man who didn't respect me.

I decided that I will find my way... My husband once he realised I wanted to move out started creating problems in my life further, financial control, emotional control, family pressure, almost making me feel like I had no life without him... But I stood my ground and took the heat for myself!

 

I deserved to laugh without anyone telling me that it was not OK!
I deserved love and admiration!

I deserved attention and happiness!
I deserved peace!

I am in the process of getting my divorce from him. I am doing a job now and building my life... I know life is not easy for a woman who is separated but it is atleast a life I can build and I recognise! 

Shikha Gupta

 

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