I didn’t marry to adjust. I am married to be accepted. Simple 

Srimala Subramanian

 

 

In our home, a man always takes care of his family first..

Ok, and what is HIS wife? Is she not family? Is She supposed to be ignored while being separated from her parents? 

 

You have to be an ideal daughter-in-law. It doesn’t look nice the way you keep laughing and always expressing yourself. Learn to listen. 

I thought I was going to my “new home”. My smiles are not ideal? I should not speak or express myself and just listen. What kind of home is this!

 

Keep your career after your marriage. A woman has to adjust. 

I can keep my career with my marriage. Both are an integral part of me and I’ll manage. I won’t adjust!

 

So what if you think your in-laws are cold to you or not warm towards you. Girls have to adjust!

What sin have I done to not expect love and respect? What sin have I committed getting married! I feel toxic in the way I am treated! I can’t adjust to pain. And I am not ok being disrespected!

I married their son. Didn’t sign up for humiliation or being emotionless!

This was me standing up to the abuse, the ignorance, the “pass” everyone had to emotionally torture me in name of marriage!

I don’t know why we still except women to break their emotions, be unloved, be treated badly and still be ok with it and serve everyone as though they have no feelings!

I was broken to receive such treatment with me! I had developed severe clinical depression and immense anxiety due to this! I feared my day, I hated my life and I wanted it to be over!

This change happened pretty much overnight and kept getting worse! From a loved, valued person, I became the opposite! I joined iwill therapy first alone and then couple therapy with my spouse!

It was IWill therapy that allowed me to come out of the pain, focus, and stand up for myself, ask for respect and just not be ok with treating as less or invisible!

It was in therapy that my husband too eventually understood that even if he was expected to tolerate half of what I was made to be ok within name or adjustments, the isolation, the denial of love, the comparisons, the ignored treatment, the disrespect for my ambitions and views, he would have long left or being broken! He changed a lot and empathized with my situation a lot and felt sorry for his ignorance too!

Today I don’t adjust! I want acceptance... I respect and I want respect... I am not ok with letting toxicity be passed lightly In the name of “adjustments”

Not ok in adjusting to abuse, not today; not ever! 

Srimala Subramanian