I didn't know how to manage myself in challenges. That was my biggest weakness.

IWill blogs

A life challenge would stun me like no one else. It would take away my ability to think, to continue doing things that are needed and just make me incapacitated.

And this was something that I witnessed throughout my life.

Someone said me something or bullied me or grouped against me, I would become so scared that I would want to run away from it, I would not be able to talk back. My personality would go weaker. I would just also become so numb that I would let this situation destroy my chances.

If there was a health issue at home, it would freeze me. The fear of seeing a loved one in pain and what could happen would just make me completely incapable. I would cry, take care of them, sometimes just out of fear become totally incapable of thinking straight. Even when things would get better, the pain, the emotional hurt would keep me in this same state of inability to feel good going.

If there was a work issue or an argument, I would want to just go away, I would feel like all is over.

Basically when I was thrown in a challenge, I would just become so weak, if someone attacked me, I never would be able to fight. My life was not like others.

I had fallen behind.

I had missed many opportunities.

I had lost many happy moments.

I joined IWill therapy because I was tired of this weakness. I had seen that life never stopped throwing challenges and I was coping very poorly with this.

 

In therapy, I discovered that I was hyper sensitive. That I did good to everyone so I believed that people will do good with me, but when this didn't happen, I didn't know how to react. I had a very protective childhood and I didn't know how to deal with problems.

So when I met people who couldnt be trusted, who were not nice. When things happened which were not something I expected, it broke me. 

My therapist helped me to learn skills to work on my sensitive side. She helped me assertive. She helped me develop a stable sense of self that is not so exposed to other's opinions of me. She helped me appreciate me despite what other people say or do. 

She helped me learn to not seek anyone's validation or approvals to be myself or to feel happy for who I am.

She helped me see how my freezing in pain in reality was only changing outcomes for me, not the situation. She helped me learn how to accept reality and fight to change it. She gave me the confidence that I was strong. That I had drop this image within my mind of me being incapable.

 

I am much more comfortable with who I am today.

I am learning to accept reality as it comes and do things to keep me going when a challenge strikes, like talking to my therapist, continue doing things that would help me navigate, stay here and now and fight the emotional challenges.

 

I don't anymore break down with challenges now. I start working on healing myself, distancing myself from other's opinions, asserting and standing up for me as needed and being in present, not letting pain of the moment carry me away from my life and my happiness.

Therapy at IWill is the best thing that happened to me. It has made me ready to face people or challenges without losing myself or my opportunities or the faith I have in me.

Sujata Sinha