I didn't want to change anyone now! I just wanted to learn to be stronger and not emotional fool

IWill blogs

 

Everytime someone hurt me, ignored me, had better things to do over me,

I cried , I felt bad, I lost my work, I lost my self-esteem, I lost my mental health! And each time I lost it, next person who came in my life, I reacted the same way! 

 

Whether it was friends, my love of the life who I later married to, my in-laws, work place, everywhere I would be treated like secondary, I would feel more broken, I would do more to get them to acknowledge me, see me until I was completely broken!

 

I had lost my career trajectory and growth to this!

I had lost my happiness to it!

I had lost myself to it and yet I would crave others to change, others to heal me, same people who had broken me at many instances!

 

And I wanted to change that-

I wanted to live, laugh and be happy for myself

I joined IWill therapy with this deep pain that I was going through and deep desire to find a way to not be so broken, dependent and if my independent happiness was even possible!

 

Therapist at IWill helped me change my life

She first helped acknowledge me that I deep down believed that if people don't love me like I deserve, something is wrong with me! And this feeling is wrong!

Something is missing in them! People have their motives, interests, needs and our job is not to align our life completely with that and judge ourselves if they don't appreciate us! It's them, not us!

 

She also helped me see how everyone who wronged me and moved on while making me feel broken. Yet they had flourishing careers and grief consumed me!

The power I gave them and then hurt they caused made me stuck in hurt, in a feeling of how could they! Well by failing myself, i was only proving them right, making it ok to run over me because I would not take charge of me!

 

She helped me take small steps to work on my life, to get happiness, to meet friends, to spend time and effort on my self and to feel Empowered 

She helped me achieve small goals, small wins, stand up for myself, feel pained but not bow down to keep people

She would speak to me as much as needed to listen to my trauma and then give me strength and power to again start, and restart many times!

And I am writing this article 1 year after my therapy at IWill started

I have one of the best jobs in my own life now

I am driven!

I got healthy and lost 10 kgs weight 

And I booked my first car with my money last week! 

 

It is different feeling to have power of your emotions, your mood and your feelings to yourself and not managed by others! 

 

People who hurt me are in shock, some try to act like they never did anything wrong! But right now to me my journey matters and that is what I am focused at!

I never thought I had this power but today I have it! I am emotionally out of the pain! I am my own person! Not afraid of anyone's hurt anymore! 

S. Mishra

For IWill therapy, start from web itself, top right corner or download the app from below. All sessions are online. Start today! Don't wait