IWill

IWill 2021-06-28 05:59 - 2 minute read

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I don’t want to be in good books of my in-laws by destroying myself.

Sarangi Gupta

My sister-in-law really tortured me mentally. She would always order me, always complain, always compare...

She would always tell me how his other brother’s wives are so obedient...

How a mother needs his son more than a wife does his husband.

How she is a great daughter in law who doesn’t keep her career or needs above anything

How she is a great wife, who understands her husband needs his mother first...

She would keep manipulating, my mother-in-law would keep getting more and more aloof from me and my husband more and more ignorant!

It was a cycle I didn’t sign up for.. was I wrong to want my husband’s love and attention?
Was I wrong to expect him to be loving my parents too?
Was I wrong to expect life for myself? A strong independent career?
Was I wrong to not feel ok when sexism or misogyny or absurd rules would apply to me just because I was a woman...


And if I was wrong then why was I so pained? So angry? So hurt? So numb! So wanting to escape and never be here again if it was not for my husband...

I had no answers to this... I felt I was manipulative at times and victim at others. I felt I didn’t deserve to marry only... and other times felt unlucky...

I joined iwill therapy and it was here that someone first listened to me... she helped me see that I had every right to keep my peace, my happiness, every right to be myself...

I wasn’t someone’s slave, nor what they wanted me to be...

I was a complete woman, a good person and just because I wanted equality didn’t make me a worse off person or daughter in law... she helped me structure boundaries,
She helped me assert, feel happy, not feel slave of someone elses's needs.. and rule books..

I started smiling, being unapologetic, asserting, speaking up when I was made to look bad for things basic and hypocritical...

My husband later joined therapy too and our relationship improved... he could see how he was being also unfair by accepting me to not have any needs or space...

It’s not ok to destroy yourself for someone’s good books... acceptance means individual respect, and I am glad I have learned how to not let this manipulation break me!
 

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