IWill 2022-05-23 10:34 - 4 minute read

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I don't cry to manipulate you. I cry at how I poorly I am treated when I least expected it 

IWill user


Ok you know why are you crying? You are crying because you want to manipulate me and gain an upper hand! 


No, I am crying because the whole day I wait for you, you say you would love me but in front of others, you completely ignore me.

Everyone here cares for what you want to eat, or how I should please you and others.

There are always expectations from me. No one looks at me as a human who has needs too... I am the last one to be called, to be asked what I need, to get affection... All I get is cold vibes...

I was the apple of my family's eyes! I was loved... Every morning, I would get smiling faces to ask me what I wanted to eat, encourage me, be concerned for my health and love... I am used to being treated like a family and here i am, like an alien! 

I cry because I look at you, a person who I thought would love me, would pamper me and take care of me, for who I'd be special, as I am to my loved ones... But you have a life where there is no space for me, your friends, your discussions, your routine of going out each day, meeting people, talking, having fun... 

I cry because I don't know what I am doing here? There is the darkness of my future...

Why do you think I would make my face all puffy, have headaches, and feel miserable just to manipulate you!

I know you don't think my happiness is as important as maybe that is why you never intervene, you are never with me, you never care how I am constantly only asked to prove myself like I am some maid or robot! But blaming me for impacting my health, just to manipulate you! 

You need to stop being so heartless towards me. I am not competing with anyone at least in your case. I am your wife... At least you need to stand up for me... See my pain... If I cannot expect my loved ones to see that I am struggling, have been suffering from depression, painful thoughts and feelings day in and day out, and complete darkness for my future. At least you should stand up... Do something and if nothing at least don't blame me!

Remember crying spells are not to manipulate... They are a voice of my crying heart that is broken, a victim of manipulation rather than the other way around!

This was me Geetika finally one day telling my partner how his remarks were breaking me... He had to see the cause of my pain, from a happy person who was always laughing when he first met me, to a crying mess now! It was the environment, it was his family, it was his ignorance and complete denial of a respectable space for me!

I have been in IWill therapy and now finally learned to assert, to stop crying and stand for myself, to take care of my mental health 

Therapy has helped me to stop being ok with being LABELLED, TO CLAIM MY PLACE, too at at ATLEAST HAVE A VOICE! I was much worse before therapy... In hurt and anger many times, I felt like dying... but it was due to IWill, that now. I wanted to LIVE,

I WANTED TO IMPROVE MY LIFE AND NOT BREAK MYSELF, BUT BREAK EGOS of others who treated me so bad! And let them know that I have stood up, risen, and will not be ok with being treated poorly 

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