IWill 2021-08-28 11:15 - 4 minute read

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I finally realised how ignored my wife felt in my home

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(I and my wife were in IWill therapy and the following are excerpts I have written from one of the sessions)

But my wife just isn’t seeing what her role is...

She needs to be happy in this home...

Happiness isn’t always a choice, Rohan... you have to see things from her perspective too...

Let me share a role-play exercise with you.
All that your wife’s day is observe for the next two days in your home and then try to live just for one day like that...

She doesn’t have many people to talk to...

she is asked to be cordial and nice, usually all the time..
She doesn’t have many friends ... it’s usually your family and people you are close to she needs to gel with...
you usually are always hesitant to talking to her too much around people, just May be expect her to do things...
if you and she have a fight, usually she is the one who is thought to be nagging and hysterical!


And this is the basis of what your wife has told.. see and observe if some part of this is true and just role play... 

When I left the therapy session over the video, I was angry at my wife!

But then when I started observing her days, they were more or less like these... yes I did ignore her because I didn’t want to look like and ridiculed for being “a wife’s puppet and had Deep conditionings of these being bad...! 

And I really wanted to try how it felt like... 

For one day I decided not to talk to people I wanted to.. for one day I chose to be not a part of the conversations happening. For one day I didn’t speak up intentionally... for one day I asked my wife to just ignore me as I would casually ignore her.. for one day I tried to do things not my way, try to not make small decisions u wanted to make... for one day looking in the mirror, I said things that I would say to my wife or that others would... 

Things like, 

Someone else works (in her case my mom) better than me! 

That I nag!!

That my wishes are not as important!

That I need to live as per “rules”


And it was suffocating! It was hurtful. I felt discriminated against. I felt unhappy! 

 I didn’t want to realize it, but I knew it was true... even when I was choosing to do this, as a role play, it was draining me.. .

And unfortunately for my wife, she didn’t want to... she was being forced to, and due to my own conditioning I was isolating her... 

When the next session happened, and I shared this candidly with the therapist... she appreciated me for being honest to myself, and to my wife’s hurt...


She helped me see how I wasn’t really not wanting to spend time with her, I was just scared of other’s reactions! And that was wrong! 


She helped me get assertive... she helped strengthen my bond with my wife..in those therapy sessions, we could share all are biases, our fears, our pains... without the fear of judgment! Knowing the reason behind our actions as a couple, as Individuals would always lessen the hurt, give perspective, and not make us a slave of our negative or perceived thinking about each other!

Today I spend my time with my wife unapologetically!

She shares her mind... her parents and us hang out a lot... I have created this home again with all the space for her, as there is for me... as for how others take this, as long as the couple bond is strong, everyone and everything falls in place!

It’s truly the responsibility of husband And wife to be each other... I strongly recommend couple therapy at iWill, to anyone who is going through discord and is hurt! Tears, pains, trauma all can be stopped! 

For IWill therapy, start sessions through this app link: https://epsyclinic.page.link/ezHe 


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