I have a really unstable sense of self and it breaks me, compelling me to seek validation all the time

IWill blogs

I don't think I am worthy.

I don't think he loves me anymore

Feels like they are all attacking me, they don't like me.

I think I'll embarrass myself.

I can't be alone. I need this person to survive.

I don't know why she hasn't called me? What if she stops talking to me?

 

This was me, I had a strange relationship with my self.

I didn't feel confident, I didn't feel enough.

Sometimes I would feel very good about myself and at other times, I felt so pained that I shouldn't even exist.

If they treated me well, if they listened to me, I would feel confident, happy and like I can be anything.

But for people who gave me cold vibes or attacked me or said things I didn't like, I would become so vulnerable, I would become a different person all together, someone with no personality, a dumb like presence and complete breakdown of confidence.

I was always scared of people leaving me. Small little things would make me feel that they will leave me. I would tolerate their tantrums, I would overcompensate, to seek their validation.

I didn't feel I could be good or successful, I needed constant validation and that would make me even more susceptible as when someone would throw sarcasm or attack me.

I didn't know how to keep a stable sense of self, to believe in myself no matter what, to stand for my respect no matter what.

 

I would feel so scared, in fear, always begging for other's attention.

I was tired as I wanted to feel strong, maintain a strong sense of self

I joined IWill therapy and my therapist helped me see that I needed to first develop a bond with myself

I needed to get comfortable with the person I was. I needed to understand myself

 I was capable, I was worthy! The problem was that I would constantly define myself basis how others saw me, since childhood and that was the problem.

What my worth was could not be defined by people, who had their own selfish reasons to like or not like me.

I could not please others by making myself non existent.

Therapy helped me to get comfortable with no or even low opinion of a few people around me.

Therapy helped me to see myself as a person who had value,who could be anything, who could rise despite people and their views.

Therapy helped me not bow down to others breaking myself just to keeping them

IWill therapy helped me to love, respect and become comfortable with myself.

It helped me choose my respect over others need to invalidate me or cancel me.

I have now a sense of me. I believe in myself, I don't break myself for other's opinions of me. 

I don't keep denigrate myself basis how others feel about me.