IWill

IWill 2021-01-22 12:35 - 4 minute read

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I have worked, recognized, and changed my self-damaging patterns now

Manavi Srivastav

More than anyone else damages us, we damage ourselves.

The recognition of this as a first step and then fixing it as a next step are key to happiness, changes, smiles, growth, fewer setbacks, and more pride in one’s choices.

Exactly 7 months ago... I changed my life in this direction too. I recognized that I had many self-damaging patterns within me, that may have been there due to toxic people, my failures, my parents and my learning in that environment, and so on. But these self-damaging patterns were breaking me, were destroying my happiness, were taking away my goals, and my ability to feel good.


I decided to join IWill therapy to work on myself! I had the following self-damaging patterns 

1. Ego and resistance 

Perhaps my ego was so damaged and I was asked to do so many things that I didn’t want, that I developed natural inertia. 

But this habit became self-damaging. I would be stuck up on things that were wrong, people that were wrong, decisions that were wrong just because of this ego! I lost my flexibility, I lost my good sense, I lost my agility... and it was damaging me...

I recognized and with my IWill therapist I worked on this pattern. Staying in an unhappy place, doing something endlessly even when it is bringing bad results, is worse than actually admitting you were wrong and moving on! I am glad I could relearn this... and I could get rid of my ego and inertia. 

 

2. Laziness and Not trying

Okay agreed I lost so much happiness, I lost so many times due to things not in my control, I learned to be just demotivated to even try... yes partly it was my mental health issues and partly it was my need to escape, to have comfort. But that laziness was drowning me further in the dumps. Passing time on Instagram, mindless scrolling was taking more away from me..

I fixed this in therapy. Step by step I worked on my motivation. I let the therapist design with me, for me things and strategies that could keep me going in real-time, break the spell of comfort-seeking in the present to create more problems for the future! 

 

3. Self hate and social isolation 

I learned I was the problem. That people laugh at me... that I need to do something really radical to become valuable to anyone... and then I learned that I was always inadequate, always less... always undesirable. I wanted to fix this... why did I hate myself so much? Who doesn’t do mistakes? And why did I have to compare myself to everyone so superficially? Why did I have to break myself day in and day out?

I learned in therapy how to love myself, how to forgive myself, how to grow myself. How to be confident, how not to judge myself, how to be confident. How to stand my ground and change opinions and at the same places don’t Care for them at all!

I worked on myself to fix myself, to fix the problems that were breaking me... enemies outside could be distanced from the still, but without fixing the enemies from within, I had no chance... and this is what I took up first! 

I am a different person today... the growth and happiness and smiles on my face have just multiplied... 

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