I married again after a very painful marriage and this happened 

Shefali Sharma

My in-laws were so bad in my first marriage.

My husband was asked to not talk to me and only give attention to his family and he would oblige. 

He would not talk to me. He would always appreciate his mother showing her affection and I would be just waiting for his love.

They had so many rules.

I SHOULDN'T LAUGH THIS WAY. I SHOULDN'T SIT THIS WAY.

No matter what I did, I was never appreciated.

Even if my husband gave me some attention, it would be taken away from me because someone would make a snide comment.

I didn't understand the dynamics of the family at all. I was married and I was his wife... My whole world was expected to circle around me. 

But in my case I was blamed for being selfish if I expected love and private time from my husband

Once my husband bought just a few things for me and when we came back, the whole thing became so huge. His sister and mom were so angry at me. He was lctured for misusing funds, for not caring for his family and how this was family money. It broke my heart into a million pieces. How they expected me to be there but have no right on my husband. 

I was breaking down. I was crying all night. 

I left for my parents' home in pain and I was there for 11 days. He didn't come to meet me once despite me calling him several times... He said he had work and that it would take time.

I became so unwell. I was completely in pain but he still didn't come.

I begged, cried and even said I might die in pain but he didn't come.

Something in me broke that day. I slipped into major depression and my husband's family blamed me saying I didn't know how to stay in a family.

Things went worse and  it was decided that there will be divorce. 

My life felt like it had ended. I really did love my husband and I would miss him all the time and also be in pain as to why I was put through so much pain. What was wrong with me?

I joined IWill therapy sessions on my sister's insistence.

It was in IWill therapy that my therapist helped me see how flawed this family and that relationship was. 

It wasn't my fault at all. I was not to be blamed. I deserved my husband's attention that I didn't get. I deserved love and not shame. I was his main family and if he couldn't even give me basic care, that wasn't a relationship, that was just a place where I would have lost myself.

She helped me focus on myself, my friends, my work, my body, my health and look at life again. Give myself a chance again.

Therapy helped me a lot and I met a new person at work... He loved me and from the get go cared about me...I was so scared of another relationship and I wasn't ready to commit.

I asked him to join therapy with me. He understood all my traumas. 

He learnt what could trigger me...

He spoke to his family. He told them how he would be extra cautious to take care of me. That nothing should be said to me that hurts me or makes me think his love is not mine or that his family is competing with me.

I had a hard time trusting him but my therapist at IWill convinced me that I should listen to my heart and give my life another try. 

I got married to him and we were still in therapy.

It was a dream. He lived with me. He never left me alone. He was always around me. He would give me so much attention. For my comfort, he shifted to my place too. 

Our marriage is now 3 months strong and everything is a dream. 

He gives me the most attention. After so much trauma in my life, finally I have love! 

From deprivation of love, I have so much attention and care!

This is my story and I hope it inspires others in pain that there is hope and happiness for everyone

Shefali Sharma 

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