IWill

IWill 2021-09-19 12:02 - 2 minute read

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I run to my parent's home from SASURAL for acceptance. Husband understood

IWill user

 

I and my husband were in IWill therapy…We both had our share of issues with each other. 

My husband asked the therapist, she is never home. She is always back to her parents. If she cannot be here, how can this become her home? Why does she keep running?

 

So to the therapist said, your wife has been having sessions with me and your and her discussions are important to understand what's happening

She is never home, as you said.

 

What is home?

A home is a place where you feel comfortable, where you feel heard, where you feel all will be ok and people will be there to take care of you. This secure feeling is what we describe as home!

While you get all these feelings at your place. According to her, this is what is missing here at this new home…

 

She feels always attacked as she mentioned that she always is told what to do, what is wrong. 

She feels misunderstood as her small little things become big. If she wants to go out with you, she is trying to make you separate from others. If she laughs and has fun, she doesn't know her boundaries, if she relaxes, where did her duties go, if she sleeps a little extra, she faces taunts and a strange reaction.

 

She cannot share her pain. On the contrary, the day when she said she was missing her home, someone at your home said, every woman has to go through it and she should not be so “weak”. She is usually alone, and she has to strike up a conversation… Others talking to her are mostly to share their pain and issues. She feels unheard and uncomfortable. 

 

On the contrary, when she reaches her home,  her favorite food is on the table without her saying, when she is sad, there are arms stretched out to embrace her. When she gets up late, even if mom scolds her, it's with love, there is a feeling of warmth. Her family is very happy usually to see you both together.

 

And this is the feeling she is running to. And the feeling she is getting here at your home unfortunately is what she runs away from.

You need to be that bridge. As she needs to be yours for her home. YOu have to make this place where you both live, HER HOME!

You have to ensure she is comfortable, her needs are understood, she is comfortable and not attacked, she is accepted not forced to adjust breaking herself 

YOU have to be her anchor! 

My husband from this session, I guess for the first time DIDNT JUDGE ME. He UNDERSTOOD ME AND MY EMOTIONS! 

He understood, I wasn't running away from him, I was running to save my bleeding heart :( 

Things now are much better and through therapy, we are making a lot of changes.

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