I stood up for myself and asserted not just for place as a wife or daughter in law but rather for my self respect as an individual

IWill blogs

No its not just about getting your attention, it's also about me being married to you, in this home and then being ignored. Ofcourse there is hurt from you, but there is more pain of injustice and invisibility I am suffering from, and I can't take it any longer.

It is about me being a daughter in law of this home. But its more of me being an individual. I don't want to listen remarks on my work, ignored on my good things, remarked on how i look, what I did, questioned for my basic personality. 

Dismantling of my internal self-respect and pride is something I can't take anymore 

Yes i need love, attention, what I deserve as a wife as promised but more importantly I deserve it anyway.

Marriage I did, for happiness, not for being humiliated.

Marriage I did for companionship, not for losing what I already had.

Marriage I did for love, nor for being told I was less.

Marriage I did for gaining more, not losing who I was.

And I had to assert. I had cried a lot, questioned myself a lot, got bullied too even when it didn't feel right in my mind.

I was isolated, dealt with meanness for no fault of mine, always put to unrealistic standards no one else in the family had to match and this when I too came from a loved and secure background.

I was so depressed without love, with constant comparisons and never being enough. I became depressed, unhappy, completely broken and I was quiet, crying, upset and not myself.

I was recommended therapy at IWill by a friend and I took help. My therapist at IWill helped me to gain my perspective back, she helped me see that it wasn't just the lack of love, it was the lack of voice that was hurting me.

 

She helped me refocus on my career, on my life. She helped me meet people again who cared for me and get my personality back and

then my husband too joined couple therapy at IWill and it helped him see how I was isolated, lonely when he had to be with me, I had to get more love when I got ignorance.

And I learned to assert, to stand up, to say about myself how I felt and it helped me a lot. 

I just didn't want to be a loved wife. I wanted to be myself. Not hurt, or humiliated but respected and at home.

I deserved this as an individual more than anything else and this is where I am at.

Sanjana Mathur

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